Resilience: An Emotional Intelligence Competency We Need Today

We are focusing more now on emotional intelligence (EQ), as it becomes increasingly evident that it can be the crucial factor in determining success and happiness in our careers and relationships. Once we have the fundamentals in place--education, expertise, and skills--how we handle ourselves and others is what makes the difference.

Resilience is an important EQ competency. It means being able to bounce back after setbacks, failures, disappointments and losses. It means not giving up, and continuing to face the future with optimism and courage despite events. Because life will have its ups and downs, one of the most important things we can do is learn how to bolster our resilience. We can do this by understanding the competencies that make people resilient and then working with a coach to improve our skills in these areas.

Being resilient is going to be extremely important in the future as the pace of change continues to escalate.

People who are the most resilient have these competencies:

1. They are reflective, able to look back on experiences and extract the kernels of wisdom from them.
2. They don't back off from realisty, but face it squarely, labeling things for what they are--setbacks, losses, disappointments.
3. They know their feelings, label them correctly, and express them fluently and routinely to others.
4. They are able to separate timezones--past from present from future.
5. They commit to the agony of grieving for as long as it takes.
6. They find meaning and purpose in their struggles, knowing that they will benefit in the end by a greater understanding of the fundamentals of live.
7. They have a high EQ, including being able to think flexibly and creatively under stress. They expand rather than shut down when faced with a challenge.
8. They keep a reserve of energy built up through regular periods of rest and renewal.
9. They have a strong network of individuals they can depend upon, and who know and accept them as they are.