Got "Have-Tos"?

Ever had an attack of the "have-tos"? "Have-tos" are
an interesting phenomenon. They come in several
variations like haveta, gotta, needto.also sometimes
referred to as "hate-tos".

These "havetos" seem to invade our daily life. First,
try listening to others to notice how often they say this.
Then listen to yourself as well. I think you'll be
surprised.

The connotation of "haveto" makes me tired just to say
it. It implies that I'm doing something I don't want to
do. It implies that I'm being pressured by external
sources, instead of inspired and motivated internally. It
implies that I might push back. It implies that I will
procrastinate. It implies that I won't be happy while
I'm doing it.

But "havetos" are not necessarily the bad things that we
make them out to be. "Havetos" can be your friends, if
you are using them in a way that works FOR you
instead of against you.

"Havetos" relate to what you want in your life. I got up
from my computer this morning, and mumbled "I have
to go water the flowers." Now that's not exactly the
truth. I do have options: 1. Let them die. 2. Install
an
automatic watering system. 3. Pay someone else to do
it for me. 4. Delegate the job to someone else in the
household. 5. Don't plant flowers in the first place.

My point is that IF I want flowers, I may "have to"
water them, but that is part of the bigger picture. It's
not a do or die situation. It's my choice.

You might say "I have to go buy groceries", or "I have
to take out the trash", or "I have to brush my teeth".
Those may not be things that are enjoyable to you, but
you don't really HAVE to do any of them. You may
alienate members of your family, coworkers, or friends
if you don't do them. But then.that's the bigger
picture, isn't it? The "haveto" is a direct reflection of
what you want.

We all have "havetos" that aren't particularly thrilling
in our life.doing the breakfast dishes, running errands,
paying bills, maybe mowing the lawn, and especially
that once a year tax aggravation.

But what if, instead, we look at the bigger picture,
instead of just the "have to" itself. For example, "I
have to do the breakfast dishes." Yes, I have to, IF I
want a clean sink, and IF I want clean dishes to eat off
of again. I consider this my contribution to a happy
household. I consider it a role or responsibility that I
negotiated, and that I accept as part of obtaining my
ultimate goal.having a happy, comfortable family life.

I also "have-to" market my business.definitely not the
most fun I ever had. But if I want the business, if I
want the customers, if I want to make my living this
way, then I "have-to" do the marketing. But again I
have options: 1. I can let go of the business. 2. I can
hire someone to help me. 3. I can delegate the job to
another person in the business.

A friend recently said to me "I can't go to the movies
with you, I have to pay the rent." Does she really
"have-to" pay the rent? No. She too has options: 1.
She could move to a cheaper place so that she has extra
money. 2. She could get a better job. 3. She could
mooch off her friends. The point is that she is making
choices about how she spends her money, and about
how that money gives her the most pleasure. It's not
that she "can't" go to the movies.it's that the higher
goal (living in the house she wants) gives her more
pleasure than the movies.

"Have-tos" are a part of life. Instead of looking at them
as drudgery, or work, or struggle, remember to
consider the bigger picture.