Part 3 - The version of Cheating

If you've read my 2 parts to my week of hell, this is may be my final version the one where I cheated...

For the word cheating means something bad, and I admit I cheated on my Boyfriend who I took back after our break-up. When we split the night after he "cheated" on my, although we split up, there is still that bit of respect we keep with each other. I wouldnt have snogged someone in a club, that would mean I was as low as him.

I broke up on tuesday, made up on friday and cheated on Monday night, with a guy who I just met at my pamper session. The idea for the session was to get me to understand that I can make new friends and enjoy not having my boyfriend around me all the time. To some you might think that I cheated on my boyfriend because I was getting revenge, maybe that was true in some way, but I believe I was craving so much attention from my boyfriend that I did this without knowing... it wasnt planned and I was not out to do anything apart from have a good night in... A day afterwards I still thought about the night I cheated and I never looked back. My boyfriend breaking up with me took him the break-up to realise he needed me, and my cheating night was the one that got me to realise that I still love him.

Whether its a kiss or fumble, its all cheating, at the time of doing it I was in control, and for a little while I was the one who was getting all the attention. I felt attractive and needed, if only for one night it was different and I needed different. I was in mt stage of development, and you could say I've gotten this out of my system... which I indeed did!

The version of cheating, gets you realising will they ever find out. Some never do, some hide the real truth forever, and take it to there grave, but this time I wanted to be honest and never hold anything back from him, in fear of him finding out from other people I took the opportunity to tell him as soon as I was ready.

In the begining It was perfect, then he started it all with the space thing, this would never have happened if it has stayed the same and we worked on our relationship.

Im sure we will work it all out in the end but its up to him if he can now hug me like he used to. He feels the same way I do when he snogged that guy. He now knows what it feels like to be hurting. He wanted to get rid of me, but he loves me he says and so its hard to get angry. Hes upset and would be if anyone is in his shoes.

Somewhere deep inside me said now i can move on and not care if im dumped a second time. He said also that if he suspects me of doing it - he'll do it as well. That could be the same with me, but in terms of scoring points I have scored alot more!!

I feel bad all the time, everytime I look at his cute face and with every part of my body reaches out to him in search of love and hugs. He hasnt got his emotions ready and so Im deprived of hugs that I cherish so much... I feel worthless and lonely cause he's distancing himself from me as much as he can - he's aquiring the space he can, whilst were in out repair stage!!

Will it last? Im sure it will on my behalf. Infedelity makes relationships stronger appreantly, but does my version of cheating make us stronger... time is a healer I believe in it.

If you've cheated, you can decide to keep it a secret, or live in fear that they will bump into them in the street and everything will be thrown out the window. Best advice, we've only got a few years in our lives, and we dont live forever, so to stop the heart ache later on in life when your older, be honest and be prepared for the worst. Then afterwards when they dont want you - go have fun, BUT if they want you back then work on it so hard so it gets super strong that no one can ever break it up again!

Trust plays a big part in this version, make sure trust is the first thing that you get sorted out of all this - its a must.

Please share you versions on here, writing about it helps and makes you reliase what you should have said or what you shouldnt have said...

Cheating if not intended makes you stronger to understand relationships better, but if the cheating was planned then you will never get to understand anything about who you are...

Being single is the only way forward, but who wants to be single??? Not me! x