To Contact or Not

Dear Jen,

I went on my first date with Sean* whom I met online. I thought we both had a great time on our date. At the end of the night, he kissed my cheek and said he would call. Now it has been a week and I have not heard a word from him. (I even considered checking with my phone company to see if there had been a problem on my line.) I thought about calling him, but was worried that it would seem too pushy or eager. What are your thoughts on sending a friendly little email? Should I try it, or should I just sit tight and keep waiting for him to call me?

Your Friend,

Julie

Dear Julie*,

There are two reasons he may not have called. He may be busy, or he may not be interested. If he has been busy, but thought to call later in the week, he might be a little afraid to since he may be worried that he has hurt you by not calling sooner. This can keep him from calling you at all. A quick contact from you can let him know the door is still open for him if he wants to walk through. On the other hand, if he is not interested, at least with an email he can just delete it without a lot of guilt and you will be saved from hearing that tone of annoyance in his voice.

Sure, email does seem more casual than a phone call, but too many of us get carried away with the blank space on the page. If you absolutely have to contact him, make it short. Don’t gush over how handsome he is or how much you miss him. Don’t tell him you are dying to see him. In other words, don’t be desperate. Try something like: “I had a great time with you the other night and would enjoy seeing you again. Feel free to call anytime.” THAT’S IT! Don’t go any further or you risk being put on his “too needy” list.

If he is just not interested that is something you are going to have to deal with. Don’t just sit around and wait for his call. Move on and move forward. Meet more people and get your life rolling. If he eventually calls, great! Just don’t count on it and waste your life waiting.

*Names are changed to protect anonymity