Head and Heart: How to Have the Impact You Intend

As I've shared, I've been through big changes lately.  I'm now single again and I have changed my name.  The last couple of months have been a very exciting time for me and I'm finally adjusting to 'wearing' a  new name and living in alignment with my true self.

Today I want to share with you a simple concept I've been using with my clients lately to bridge the  head and heart in important conversations to have the impact you intend.

*  Head and Heart Concept  *

The concept works like this.  If you have a situation with an individual in your work or personal life that  you want to clear up, consider what part you want more clarity (head or cognitive).

Then, consider how you want the person to feel as a result of the conversation with you (heart or emotions).

*  Example  *

I was recently coaching a client who was just promoted to VP of Human Resources.  So, she cares about her new role and that she is perceived positively.

She finds out from her boss that a business unit President is feeling like this VP is being non-responsive to an issue that he cares a lot about.  She hasn't even been made aware of the issue until the moment she is told about his perspective of her.

*  Head Part  *

This is the WHAT part of the communication.

We looked at how she could approach him to get clarification about what he wants and needs.  She could let him know she was made aware of

his concern and that she was not previously informed about this until now.

She can communicate that she wants to make sure she fully understands what he wants and needs so that she can be responsive and take care of it for him.

*  Heart Part  *

This is the EMOTIONAL IMPACT you want the other person to experience in the communication.

Then I asked her, "How do you want him to feel towards you as a result of this conversation?"  She had to think about that.  I was looking for the emotional component of her intention and what she wanted to create during the conversation.

She realized that she wanted him to leave with a clear feeling that he is 'cared for' or 'taken care of'.  I asked her, "What does it feel like when you know someone 'has your back'?"  For the receiver (of being cared for), it increases trust and reduces worry and stress.

My coaching request to her was to anchor that feeling in her body and hold the intention of this president feeling very well taken care of.  She doesn't have to say anything explicit, although she could.  But, her carrying this intention and this energy into the room with her and it shifts the conversation.

Her words will come from this place.  My experience is that it's much easier to find  the words in the moment that are just right for the person and the situation if I get my 'state of being' in alignment with a positive intent.

*  Experiment  *

Allow yourself to recall a time or situation when someone took care of you or had your back.   Give yourself a moment to replay this memory and take a few deep breaths to let you body feel it fully.  I am willing to bet you notice your body start to relax and your breathing may get a little easier too.

When you positively change your 'state of being', you will positively impact others as well.