Things A Customer/Client Should Never Hear When Shopping At Your Place ...

Do you know what your customers are hearing? Are you using "shoppers?" It might be a good idea, along with some employee training on some specific ‘do’s’ and ‘don’ts’, though I'm not sure you could even conceive of these things I've been told recently when out shopping were you to compose a 'don't' list.

1. I could care less. You can write it for $500 if you want to.

This from the convenience-store clerk when I was checking to see if the limit for writing a personal check was still $50.

2. That's okay, most of the people who shop here are really stupid.

This when I was shopping in a plant nursery and said I couldn’t figure out how to stake a tomato on the contraption I'd bought from them.

3. I wouldn’t get that if I were you. It’s way over-priced. Get it online at www.buy_it_from_anyone_but_us.com.

With help like that, you don't need competition.

4. Don't buy it. They've fixed it so it can't be pirated.

I continued this fascinating conversation in a chain computer-store by saying, “Oh, do you think Microsoft should make products and not get paid for them?” to which the salesclerk, excuse me, sales associate replied, “Well, you know, your brother, your friends…wink, wink.” I hope the manager is counting the silverware.

5. I wouldn't order the mushrooms if I were you. People get sick on them all the time.

If they're making people sick, get them off your menu.

6. I really have no idea, lady. This is the worse place to work you can imagine. We don't get any training.

While shopping in an office supply store.

7. The sales receipt from a fast-food restaurant I was given that had “F*** YOU for stopping at ____” printed on it where the “Thank you for stopping at ____” should’ve been.

I’m not making that up. Every manager’s worse nightmare.

8. If you think it’s bad now, you ought to be in here on a Saturday.

This at a home products store when I complained about the long wait for service.

9. I haven't got time right now.

When I asked someone in a local bookstore chain to help me find a book. I don't know what they "value" in a customer. I generally spends hundreds of dollars on books in there in a year ... but not any more.

10. I know he hasn’t answered your call. He’s really awful about that. I shouldn’t say that, but he does it all the time and it drives me nuts.

It drives his patients nuts too and, having found out it's a habit, not a mistake, I'll be looking elsewhere.