You Can Read Anyone

"Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy."  ---- George Carlin

When you have a sneaking suspicion another person may be up to something underhanded, you are left with three options, none of which is often productive: confront, ignore, or try to gather more information. If you confront the person, not only does it put him or her on the defensive, but, if it turns out you are wrong, there is a good chance you may appear paranoid or jealous, and the relationship may suffer.  Ignoring the situation can be difficult and possibly damaging to you. Finally, trying to gather more facts on your own is time-consuming and can be counter-productive, if you are caught snooping around.

Whenever you get a feeling deep-down that something dishonest is going on, such as your child doing drugs, your employee is stealing, or a friend is not loyal, then use this technique to find out quickly, and easily, what a person is really up to, or has on his mind.

This strategy virtually guarantees you can find out within minutes if someone has something to hide. It works like a Rorschach test, or what is commonly referred to as an inkblot test.  The Rorschach test consists of abstract, bilaterally symmetrical splotches of inkblots.  The theory behind the test is that a person’s interpretation of the shapes will reveal his or her unconscious attitudes and thoughts.  With our technique, we use the same theory but employ it in an entirely new way--verbally.  You ask a question that does not accuse the other person of anything, but rather alludes to the situation.  Then, by simply gauging the response, you will be able to find out if the person has something to hide.  In this way you are able to bring up a particular subject and find out if someone is comfortable, or concerned, with the topic, all without making a single accusation. Let's look at an example.           

A sales manager thinks one of his salespeople may be stealing office supplies. Asking outright, “Have you been stealing from the company?” would put her on the defensive immediately, making it nearly impossible to get to the truth.  If she is not guilty, she will of course tell the manager she has not been stealing.  If she is guilty, she will most likely lie and say she has not pilfered supplies.  Instead, the manager might simply say something non-threatening, such as: “Jill, I’m wondering if you could help me with something.  It’s come to my attention that someone in the sales department has been taking home office supplies for personal use. Do you have any idea how we can put a stop to this?”  Now he simply observes her reaction. 

If she asks questions and seems interested in the topic of conversation, he can be reasonably sure she is not doing the same activity, but if she becomes very uncomfortable and seeks to change the subject, then she is likely engaged in a similar behavior.  The manager will notice an immediate shift in her demeanor and attitude.

If she is innocent of the behavior, she is likely to offer her advice and be pleased he sought out her opinion.  If she is guilty, he will notice her becoming uncomfortable, and she will probably assure him she would never do anything like stealing.   No reason exists for her to bring herself into the picture unless, of course, she is the one who feels guilty. 

The technique can also be applied by actually asking the other person for his advice. A hospital administrator suspects a doctor is drinking on duty.  She might say, “Dr. Smith, I’d like to get your advice on something.  A colleague of mine, at another hospital, has a problem with one of her doctors.  She feels he may be drinking while on call.  Do you have any suggestions on how she can best approach this doctor?”  Again, if he is guilty of the same behavior, he will likely become very uncomfortable.  If he is not drinking on duty, then he will be pleased you sought his advice and will offer it willingly and happily.

Copyright (c) 2007. D. Lieberman. This article is based on Dr. David J. Lieberman's latest book, YOU CAN READ ANYONE, and is available in paperback or as an e-book wherever books are sold.