Dating Help: Trapped In the Friend Zone

They've seen you through some good times and bad. In many ways they are more precious to you than blood relatives. Needless to say since your friends have seen you at your best and worst it stands the reason that they are very protective of you.

That's why at times it can be like trying to break thru a wall made of steel. That goes for people trapped on the inside as well as those on the outside. You may not mean it that way. To you it just comes down to hanging out with your friends. You're a good group and when you go out with these folks you usually wind up having a good time.

But there have been moments, where you confess to yourself that going out with the social circle has been a hindrance to your dating life. Why?

1. The Roadblocks

You make eye contact with someone in the club. You think there is some definite attraction. The two of you follow it up with some quiet flirting and that is as far as it goes. There is no way that person is going to risk getting their ego stepped on by trying to wade into a group of strangers just so they can talk to you. Conversely something inside is telling you do not try it. You know your peeps and leaving them to talk to someone outside of the group will make for some awkward moments and possible ridicule when you return. 

2. The Interrogators

Let's say that person does work up the nerve to come over and talk to you. Your friends decide this would be a good moment to do some cross examination. Who are they? What do they want and why? After awhile the person forgot why they came over to your table because they are getting bombarded from all sides. And let's face it. To some degree you may be enjoying it. Not only are your friends trying to protect you but by asking   questions they are doing most of the heavy lifting for you.

3. The Spotlight

Now all eyes in your circle are on you and the interloper. Every word you say or look you give to each other is noticed by your group. They stop talking freely and start listening intently. Needless to say their silence is deafening.

4. The Vibe

Smiles and light banter cannot shield you from the feeling that the group is not happy. They are here to hang out with you not to watch you hook up with someone they do not know or could care less about. Since they are not socializing outside of the immediate circle, there is sometimes a certain groupthink which takes over. If you go against it, watch out. 

5. The Critique

It can start with the other person still in the vicinity or one second after they are out of earshot. Now the group starts telling you what's wrong with the individual.  If the person is still within range the talk can at one moment be unmistakably direct or circular filled with a lot of looks and code words. You also know before long that much of the criticism is headed your way.

Hanging out with your friends can be a lot of fun and in this day and age it makes many of us more secure by having safety in numbers. The trick is to not let it interfere with your dating life. Have a good time but do not be afraid to occasionally break away from the pack. As much as you like your friends, groupthink and peer pressure can be powerful factors in deciding who you can and cannot date.