Never Give Up on Your Future

Since being married and finding the love of my life, I had an epiphany soon after about my previous relationships and the heart broke I felt prior to my husband.   I held a great deal of resentment following the breakup of my first real “love” and made a decision not to date for a long time.  My long time ended up being 6 months later, making me question how much I really loved the former boyfriend.  The new boyfriend was a solider and had this amazing personality with an abundance of charm.  We had what some would call a whirlwind romance, and I thought I fell in love with him after two months, although I never voiced these feelings to him.  After three months, my solider professed deep feelings for me and we continued our fun filled summer of freedom and excitement with no cares in the world.  

While dating him we talked about the future and my goals for after college and his goals.  He had planned to finish Officer Candidate School (OCS) in September and I would start my last year of undergraduate school.  He left the day after my birthday and we said our goodbyes.  I had a feeling our relationship would never be the same.  The distance created mistrust between us and we found ourselves bickering on the phone, which was something we never did while we were together.  He began questioning my weekend activities when I hung out with friends that were mutual to both of us.  He then stopped returning my calls explaining through email he was just too busy with OCS and needed to concentrate and focus without any distractions but asked me to wait.  I agreed because I knew how important this was to him.  

After being away from him, I reflected and thought hard about suppressed feelings from the former relationship and the current vices of my distant relationship.  I decided I would cut ties from my soldier and focus on myself after graduating from college that December.   I had fun the next six months and focused on my new job at a Medical Spa with my new best friend who I happened to meet through my solider and as luck would have it, we both started working together.  The new best friend introduced me to my husband.   My husband and I met and became friends first and fell in love slowly.  He was my age, mature, financially stable, great personality, kind and adored me.   I tested him many times because I was afraid to have feelings again for someone so soon and did everything I could to push him away but he did not let me.  One day we were stripping wallpaper from his kitchen to paint, when I realized I was absolutely and undeniably in love with him.  This love and feeling was different from any other before, it was sweet and pure.  It had a since of longevity and I knew in my heart he loved me as much as I did.  Soon after that, he proposed to me and I gladly said yes.  The epiphany that occurred was the fact that all resentment and negative emotions I had about the previous boyfriends and all the undesirable men I dated before my husband, was gone.  The realization that every prior relationship and heartbreak I experienced led me straight to my husband, as cliché as this sounds it was very true.  The experiences I had before taught me awareness of myself and others, it taught me what I needed and could accept in relationships, it taught me boundaries, and above all else, it taught me what I deserved. 

This glimpse into my life and the lesson that I learned, is never give up allowing time to figure out what part one has played in their own heartbreak and discomfort.  We tend to allow others to cross boundaries and hurt us because we truly do not know what we need or want or how to establish health boundaries.  All the resentment I carried for the other two men I brought into my relationship with my husband and gave him such a hard time, which was completely undeserved but was a reflection of emotional baggage.  I am truly blessed he stuck with me and saw past the hurt I did not even know was there at times.