I’ve always loved summer. I love the hot weather,
the parties, all the skin…
One of the things I love most about summer is the “summer fling”; you know, that chance to hook up with someone to go enjoy the season – and sex – with you?
It might be just a week (like when you’re on vacation) or a number of months. There is an understanding – even if not spoken – that this isn’t going to be a long-term commitment (certainly not like your wireless provider!) and something about that motivates you to extract out the most joy and passion you can in that short period of time.
Looking back, some of the most memorable experiences I’ve had were summer flings. There’s just something about the warm sun, cool breeze and the anticipation that just make these short-lived relationships work.
Finding your Summer Fling
Being social (and sociable) is the primary key to finding a fling. Fortunately, that isn’t hard to do during the summer. There are barbeques, camp fires, parties and all sorts of chances to find someone and hook-up. At least, as long as you’re not sequestered in your own house!
Thus, the first thing is to get out there. When your friends call and invite you let your dusting go another day. Trust me: dust keeps. Seize the opportunities – every one of them – that come your way. Not only does this give you the chance to meet someone but it keeps you in the social “loop” so that you have places to take your new-found, short-term love.
Some people look to the internet as one option to find a summer fling. While this isn’t the easiest possibility it can work. The trick here is to look to the internet not like a shopping adventure but as a sampling much like walking through a big-box store with all the sample tables. When you find something (someone) you like, you walk down that set of shelves, locate the item and add it to your cart. This becomes a possible new summer fling.
If you choose the internet to find your fling, be clear about what you’re looking for! Don’t chase down people who claim they’re looking for their “soul mates” or are looking for “the last date they’ll ever have”, etc. These people are poor choices for flings in that you’ll waste a lot of time and resources only to find that their expectations don’t match yours.
Instead, be clear in your profile (yes that means you actually have to update it – finally!) that you’re looking for something short-term and (emphasis) FUN. That’s really the foundation of the fling – it’s not supposed to be some heavy, plodding beast but a light, fun-filled and short-term experience.
Managing your Summer Fling
When you find someone else who seems to be looking for the same thing focus on the fun aspects of being together. Look for common interests and pursue them. One-night stands are a very different animal than this sort of fling. Likewise, the expectations are different too. They are sexual but they’re also fun and exciting so focus your energies on how to make that happen.
Be careful about getting too deep into personalities here. Your goal isn’t to discover everything there is about your partner but to find ways to have fun together. Keeping it light-and-airy is one proven way to up the connection while keeping things short-term.
Be clear about what you want. Don’t make promises – even in bed – that you don’t plan on keeping. If you do, things will take a more serious turn and you’ll wind up running away instead of moving forward.
Keep the emphasis on enjoying the season. To do that you need to stay in your social loop or build a new one. There are tons of ways to do that from clubs and organizations, newsletters, meet-up groups and many others. The more of these you have (that you can reasonably manage) the more chance you have to find things to do. Without these opportunities your fling turns into a friends-with-benefits situation and you lose the overall experience.
An interesting thing happens with these flings: you often find that by keeping things light and fun that you connect in a different way than you would if the emphasis was about a long-term relationship. You often find that you have a lot of interests in common that help to build a solid friendship along with being bed-buddies. I see that as a benefit of this sort of relationship and you should definitely take advantage of it if it happens by keeping the friendship going even after summer is gone.
Ending a Summer Fling
For many people the end of summer marks the return to a more serious school, work and family life. It becomes the time to recommit to your life’s goals – at least until the holidays come a few months down the road. It’s also a natural time to change your summer fling into a great memory.
I think it’s a good idea to keep things friendly with your fling. Who knows? Maybe it’ll be there for you again next year or continue right on into the end of the year.
This isn’t really a break-up at all. It’s a transition. If you’ve been honest about your intentions throughout the summer you both should walk away with some great memories and some great closeness at the same time. You’ll always have this experience to bond you together and (hopefully) keep you on good terms.
This is one situation where it’s usually better to let things wind down naturally rather than to have some dramatic discussion with a formal ending. The seasonal change itself will help that happen as you both leave the barbeques and return to the board rooms as it’s a natural cadence to something new and more serious.
Of course you may have found that your connection with that person overflows the boundaries of summer – right into autumn and beyond. If this happens, you don’t need any sort of hard-and-fast rule about ending things. Maybe this fling was far more than it appeared?
------------------------------------------------------------------Have a love, dating, sex or relationship question? You can write to me or get more information about “Being a Man in a Woman’s World tm” by going to: http://BeingAMan.com. Follow me on Facebook (http://tinyurl.com/cas4w9) and Twitter (http://tinyurl.com/d3pecs).Copyright (c) 2013, Dr. Dennis W. NederAll rights reserved.
