Why Should You Depend on Other People?

We depend on other people’s estimation. When we are assessed positively, we are on the top of the world: we become big, beautiful and intelligent. We accept ourselves because we form our self estimation from others’ opinions.  When they scold us, disapprove of our actions, say that we are bad, scream at us - we are frightened and internally our “ego” is shaken. We appear not to meet someone else’s expectations. But you are not born to be liked by everyone. The main thing – you should like yourself. In case you don’t know yourself well enough you fall into arms of the others and lose yourself here.

When the teacher praises you for your college term paper writing, remarking that you are very intelligent and creative your life acquires bright colours.  Once you hear “well done” about yourself, you want to hear this phrase all the time.  You expect that the tutor will grade all your term papers as excellent. We don’t understand that everything has two sides and appraisal may be followed by disapproval. Criticism affects our feelings: we are not praised, loved any more; we don’t interest anyone and so on.  If you don’t know yourself – then other people’s words   make up all your life. But they are just words of another person. We fail to see something else behind the words.  He says “Good” – we are enraptured, “bad “we are on the edge of the abyss and finally fall. Everything depends on other person, if we are strangers to ourselves. When the person learns to know himself, he lives through unfulfilled projections and he discovers the true essence of life. He comes to understand that the primary reason of the personal distress is not his soul pain, but pain connected with failed projections. The person comes to the world and he imagines that he is guaranteed to be happy all his life (http://www.exploratorium.edu). He never suspects what he will have to overcome, how much to lose and find, what position should he take to live his life.  He does not suspect, he has no idea and since his childhood he attempts to fit in this enormous life with a ready promise to himself – that everything will be fine. And then it comes – the crash. You expected to get “A” for your term paper, but the fault – finding tutor puts “E”. But it does not mean that you will stop writing term papers, claiming that all the same your efforts won’t be appreciated.  You will revise rewriter I don’t know how many times, but at last you will attain the desirable result.  The same concerns other disappointments you will face in your life.

Intercourse with other people will always be very important to you. But they are not developed in accordance with a planned project.  This way   you will   have the same result all the time: frustration and disappointment. You may try to conceal your disappointment from you, subduing it in the sub consciousness, but you also can admit it and live with it.  The last will make you a wiser and better person, besides you will be open to new impressions, events. True happiness is when we don’t miss our life, but keep pace with it with open eyes. That means we learn to see reality and live in reality.