Humor Under The Keyboards

The Perception of Perfection

The piano, with its grand presence and intricate mechanics, is often viewed as the epitome of musical perfection. Pianists, clad in formal attire, command the stage with an air of authority and grace. Their performances are expected to be flawless, leaving no room for error. This perception, however, is far from the complete picture.

The Reality Behind the Keys

Despite their seemingly impeccable performances, pianists are human and prone to mistakes. These errors, rather than detracting from their artistry, often add a layer of relatability and humor. Here are some amusing anecdotes and definitions that highlight the lighter side of the piano world:

• David W. Barber humorously defines a piano as "a cumbersome piece of furniture found in many homes, where playing it ensures the early departure of unwanted guests" (The Musician's Dictionary).
• Ambrose Bierce, an American journalist, describes a piano as "a parlor utensil for subduing the impertinent visitor. It is operated by depressing the keys of the machine and the spirits of the audience" (The Devil's Dictionary).
• A piano tuner, according to popular jest, is "a person employed to come into the home, rearrange the furniture, and annoy the cat. The tuner's chief purpose is to ascertain the breaking point of the piano's strings."

These humorous definitions, coming from those deeply entrenched in the world of music, reveal the ironies and quirks of the piano.

Secrets of the Trade

When asked about their secrets to successful playing, some pianists offer surprisingly simple and relatable advice:

• Artur Schnabel, an Australian pianist, quipped, "I always make sure that the lid over the keyboard is open before I start to play."
• George Bernard Shaw, a writer and music critic, humorously remarked, "Nothing soothes me more after a long and maddening course of pianoforte recitals than to sit and have my teeth drilled."

These light-hearted comments remind us that even the most accomplished musicians have their own unique ways of coping with the pressures of performance.

The Funny Side of Piano Performances

The world of piano is not without its share of humorous moments. Here are a few anecdotes that showcase the lighter side of piano performances:

• Bob Hope, an American comedian, once commented on fellow comedian Phyllis Diller's piano playing: "When she started to play, Steinway himself came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano."
• A band teacher recalled a student mistakenly referring to the song "Clair de Lune" as "Claire de Loonie."
• During a piano recital, the audience was startled when a telephone rang offstage. Without missing a note, the soloist glanced toward the wings and called out, "If that's my agent, tell him I'm working!"

Piano Jokes and Riddles

Piano humor extends beyond anecdotes to include a variety of jokes and riddles that play on musical terminology and situations:

• Q: What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?A: A flat minor.
• Q: What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?A: A flat major.
• Q: Why is an 11-foot concert grand better than a studio upright?A: Because it makes a much bigger kaboom when dropped over a cliff.
• Q: Why was the piano invented?A: So that the musician would have a place to put his beer.
• Q: Why did they say that the pianist had fingers like lightning?A: They never struck the same place twice.
• Q: What did they find when they dug up Beethoven's grave?A: He was decomposing.
• Q: Why did Mozart kill his chicken?A: Because it always ran around going, "Bach! Bach! Bach!"
• Q: Imagine a singer, a piano player, a bass player, and a drummer sitting around a table. If you drop a hundred-dollar bill in the middle and tell them they're free to take it, who gets it?A: The piano player. Because the bass player is too slow, the singer thinks it's too little money, and the drummer didn't get the assignment.

Conclusion

The piano and its players, often perceived as the epitome of formality and perfection, have a humorous and human side that is both endearing and relatable. These anecdotes, jokes, and definitions reveal that even in the most refined settings, there is always room for laughter and light-heartedness. The next time you watch a piano performance, remember that behind the polished exterior lies a world of humor and humanity.

For more insights into the world of music and humor, check out The Musician's Dictionary and The Devil's Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce.