Don't use Facebook, email or voice mail to air your grievances over your divorce. Once that information is out there you can't take it back.
Facebook, email, texts, and recorded voice mails are loaded material. Once they are out, you cannot take them back. If you don't want any of it used against you, don't publish it!
It's also rude and bad etiquette to disrespect an ex-partner on social media. You will regret it, either when you cool down or when you face up to it in a legal skirmish.
Plus? It can be part of the discovery process! As Richard Adams warns in "Facebook a top cause of relationship trouble, say US lawyers" (http://bit.ly/gvJLtj):4
"Even though the rate of divorce in the US has remained largely stable in recent years, American divorce lawyers and academics [are] picking out Facebook as a leading cause of relationship trouble, with American lawyers now demanding to see their clients' Facebook pages as a matter of course before the start of proceedings.
"…One spouse connects online with someone they knew from school. The person is emotionally available and they start communicating through Facebook," said Dr. Steven Kimmons, a clinical psychologist and marriage counselor at Loyola University Medical Centre near Chicago… A 2010 survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML) found that four out of five lawyer of five lawyers reported an increasing number of divorce cases citing evidence derived from social networking sites in the past five years, with Facebook being the market leader…
Photographs harvested from social networking sites… are a particularly rich source of damning evidence, according to divorce lawyers."
Both my husband and I have blocked his OP from our Facebook profiles and adjusted our privacy settings. We haven't done the same for my OP because we are all friends. We are kind to one another online, share funny stories, and are "friends" with each other's parents. You have to be absolutely sure you can stay on the high road or lock down all your privacy settings. I am SO not kidding.
It gets scarier. Get a load of this article by Leanne Italie from MSNBC: "Facebook is divorce lawyers' new best friend."5 WHAT? Argh! Forgot to de-friend your wife on Facebook while posting vacation shots of your mistress?
Her divorce lawyer will be thrilled.
Oversharing on social networks has led to an overabundance of evidence in divorce cases. The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers says 81 percent of its members have used or faced evidence plucked from Facebook, MySpace, Twitter and other social networking sites, including YouTube and LinkedIn, over the last five years…
• Husband goes on Match.com and declares his single, childless status while seeking primary custody of said nonexistent children.
• Husband denies anger management issues but posts on Facebook in his "write something about yourself" section: "If you have the balls to get in my face, I'll kick your ass into submission."
• Father seeks custody of the kids, claiming (among other things) that his ex-wife never attends the events of their young ones. Subpoenaed evidence from the gaming site World of Warcraft tracks her there with her boyfriend at the precise time she was supposed to be out with the children. Mom loves Facebook's Farmville, too, at all the wrong times.
• Mom denies in court that she smokes marijuana but posts partying, pot-smoking photos of herself on Facebook.
"… You're finding information that you just never get in the normal discovery process—ever," Leslie Matthews said. "People are just blabbing things all over Facebook. People don't yet quite connect what they're saying in their divorce cases is completely different from what they're saying on Facebook. It doesn't even occur to them that they'd be found out…"
If you aren't scared straight by now, you aren't paying close enough attention.
4. www.guardian.co.uk/technology/2011/mar/08/facebook-us-divorces
5. http://nbcnews.to/NrLQ20 - www.msnbc.msn.com/id/37986320/ns/technology_and_science-tech_and_gadgets/t/facebook-divorce-lawyers-new-best-friend/#.T_iTvXDzf9Qx
© 2012 Melinda Roberts
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