Being a parent is probably the toughest task most of us will ever face, and making mistakes is a part of parenting that we cannot avoid. However, taking our anger out on our child is wrong, and it is something that definitely needs to be addressed.
Life can often be quite tough,
particularly if you have a child, or children, to care for. For some of us it is more than tough - it's a struggle. It can often feel there is somebody deliberately sabotaging what should be a smooth ride through an average day. One bad thing followed by another, and another, and the pressure mounts until you feel utterly exhausted, and probably quite angry, too. The frantic pace of a busy day! Your car not starting! Relationship issues! Losing your house keys! Struggling to keep up repayments on a loan! Working yourself into the ground just to pay the rent! Problems, problems, problems, but they are your problems, not your child's.
Some parents take their frustration at the daily grind of their lives out on their children. Some don't mean to do it, but there just isn't anybody else around to take the flak. Some parents know they do it but can't stop themselves, or simply don't care, and others are not even aware they do it. Sometimes a child is a victim because it makes the parent feel better to be able to bully somebody. The adult feels bullied by life, and the adult then bullies the child. Sadly, some parents are not equipped to be parents at all, and relish the opportunity to make their children suffer.
Parents take their anger out on their children in many ways
Unwillingness to perform normal parenting tasks. Snappy, abrupt, or angry answers for simple questions. Meeting their child's normal requests for attention with anger, or outrage at being pestered. For some children their parent's mood is demonstrated by more than horrible outbursts of angry words. Violence creeps in and takes a firm hold, sometimes becoming a regular companion to parenting methods.
Every time Mom or Dad react to their child with completely unnecessary anger or violent actions some trust is lost. How can your own child trust you if you regularly break the promise of care that every parent should make when raising a child? Every child deserves to have the best parenting that is possible in their situation, and you owe it to any child in your care to be a good an influence, a source of love, and a trustworthy guide.
Even if a child's world away from his home is filled with unhappiness, conflict, danger, or misery, being around a parent should mean feeling safe. A child needs an incredible amount of support to cope with the demands of those early years. What might seem like a trivial issue to an adult can be the cause of a huge amount of pressure and stress for a child. Parents should be there to help, and be willing and able to talk their child through any issues. What a child does not need is to go home and be a target for his Mom's vicious tongue, or his Dad's nasty taunts, or to feel the physical pain of a parent's angry frustration in the form of violence. Whether a child's day at school is good, bad, or just average, he should be happy to get home, and should be able to discuss his day and any problems he might be facing. He should look forward to seeing his family, not dread seeing them.
Making sure that a child you are raising is aware that life is not always easy is an important part of parenting. A child who is given everything she wants, sheltered from the source of her good fortune, will not grow up to appreciate the work that was needed to be in such a favorable position. Children need to be aware that sometimes in everyday life, things happen that will test their personality, their patience, and their ability to cope. A dose of realism in your parenting now and then, to ensure your child knows how tough it can be, is a good thing and will help to prepare a child for the future. However, this is not an excuse for taking out your anger on your child because of your struggles.
What can you do if you have issues with controlling your anger?
If you are taking out your anger on your child then it is a problem that needs to be resolved as soon as possible. It is sometimes understandable, but never acceptable, and there is lots of help available to you.
Simple steps like deep breathing when angry, counting to ten backwards to calm yourself, and trying to ensure you do not use emotions to rule your parenting will help you overcome your anger issues. If you feel your anger coming then try telling your child that you've had a bad day and need a little time to calm down. If simple anger control methods like these are not enough, then you should consider finding help from other sources. You might need to learn anger management techniques, or take an anger management course. Most of us could benefit from understanding how to better control our anger, and millions of people seek professional help for this reason.
If you do need professional help then do not hesitate to get it. The Internet is a huge information carrier and there are numerous online courses that you will find to be tremendously helpful. The sooner you start taking steps to stamp out your problem the better, and you should start seeing, and feeling, the results very quickly.
