When you're going through a divorce, we frequently experience our ex being defensive about his/her role in the divorce, when he or she might well have been the one who cheated! Let's be sure we don't assume blame that isn't ours to bear.
What was the reason for your divorce? Lies, abuse, not in love any more, or my personal favorite, adultery? I'll bet a dollar to your dime, if you're reading this article, it was because of my personal favorite. Am I right? Oh, adultery is a bugaboo; it leaves you with horrid feelings. But wait! There's good news behind this horror. It wasn't your fault they cheated. It was their fault. They really need to work on their life at lot more than you do.
I'm quite confident that if you caught your mate cheating, it's highly likely he (she) shielded himself from looking "wrong". There may have been an apology, but there always seems to be rationale for the cheating. Usually if you are dealing with someone who is unfaithful, they are also very selfish. Oh, I'm quite confident they think they have great reasons why it's not their fault, and why it's yours. You weren't around enough. You weren't affectionate enough. You didn't have enough sex to satisfy them. No matter what reason they provide, they can't make you think they never had a choice because they did. You weren't doing something that they wanted you to do, so it gave them permission to cheat. Well that is absolutely incorrect.
While I believe that no person is ever completely to blame, everyone is responsible for their own actions and the words that come out of their mouth. Even if you didn't have sex with your mate for many years, it's never allright to cheat. It is your spouse's responsibility as your husband to come to your first. Every person has a choice to do right or wrong and they chose to do wrong.
This is where it would be healthy for you to do some reflecting. Were there signs of infidelity that I over looked? Did I choose to ignore it? There are a million questions that you could ask yourself, but the main one that you should ask yourself is what kind of person did I marry? Probably a selfish person that you thought you could change. That is always a mistake. You can't change someone. It doesn't matter how hard you try. If someone is inherently selfish, they probably always will be. Make this a huge learning lesson in your life. Next time you are dating and trying to get to know someone, look for similar clues. Did they commit adultery before? If they are a lot like your ex, it's probably not a good thing since you aren't married anymore. Trust your instincts. If the person you're with is intolerable, then YOU change, and then you move to the next good thing.
Affordable Support for Divorcees: Virtual Recovery Communities
The aftermath of a divorce can be a tumultuous time, filled with self-doubt and fear. However, many individuals who have gone through this process have found it to be a catalyst for positive change, leading them to discover their true selves and even find their soul mates. Virtual recovery communities can provide invaluable support during this challenging period.
Can Mediation Work For You In Lieu Of Divorce
If you are about to get a divorce, I want you let you know that mediation might be a great alternative to that divorce for you. You won't have to hire an attorney and the outcome can be just as effective.
Understanding Your Divorce ' Use a Journal
Divorce emotions are hard enough one time, so you want to do everything you can not to repeat the same mistakes. Even if it looks like your ex is the one who made mistakes, it did take two to tango. If you journal about the divorce, you will discover your role and not make the same mistake twice.
