How to Get Ahead at Work - Without Kissing Butt!

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How to Get Ahead at Work - Without Kissing Butt!

By Stephen Bucaro

Most people think that if they kiss the bosses butt, the
boss will like them and they will have a secure job with
good advancement. Wrong!

To a business organization, an employee is just a tool,
like a mop or shovel. When the tool gets old or is no
longer needed, it's out the door without a flinch. If you
kiss the bosses butt, they may smile at you and talk nice
to you, but in reality they're thinking you're weak and
pitiful. They will not hesitate to give you the crap
assignments and use you as a fall guy for their mistakes.

You can have a secure job with good advancement - and keep
your self-respect if you follow the rules below.

- In business organizations, people gather into "clicks".
A click is a group of employees organized for the purpose
of covering each others butt. This allows each member of
a click to pass the blame for their mistakes onto the other
click. In the end, one click successfully destroys the
chances for advancement of the members of the other click.
(Or gets the other click tossed out of the company entirely).

Never join a click. Always claim to be a devoted subject of
managers so high in the organization that most of the
employees don't have access to them. Always claim to be
dedicated to "what's best for the company". Avoid taking
sides in any issue that the clicks are doing battle over.
By taking a side, you will be joining a click.

There is no sure way to tell which click will win in the
end. The click that seems to be winning today could get
caught in a big screw-up tomorrow, and be out the door.
Never join a click.

- Never associate with co-workers or your boss outside of
work. If you associate with a co-worker outside of work,
you will be joining that co-workers click by default. If
you associate with your boss outside of work, in order to
avoid accusations of favoritism, your boss will be forced
to give you crap assignments. Keep your work associations
and your after work relationships completely separate.

- Never bad-mouth a co-worker or a boss. No matter how
private you think a conversation is, it WILL get out. And
when it does - you will have joined a click. The fact is,
you don't need to bad-mouth a co-worker or a boss. Although
it may not seem like it, everybody already knows who the
big screw-ups in the company are.

- Always bad-mouth everybody and everything outside the
company. Bad-mouth suppliers. Bad-mouth contractors.
Bad-mouth consultants. Bad-mouth the government. Bad-mouth
everything outside the company. That's right - the company's
problems are not caused by stupid lazy employees and
managers. All the company's problems are caused by things
outside the company.

=> Get ahead by taking the initiative and volunteering for
assignments nobody else wants - Wrong!

- In every company there are certain assignments that do not
lead to advancement. The crap assignments. They are boring
with low visibility or little chance of success. Then there
are the other assignments that are exciting, involve
gaining more skills, have high visibility and a good chance
of success. These are the "glory" assignments.

They say "the cat that meows gets the milk". Always keep
pestering your boss to give you the glory assignments.
Always whine and complain when you get a crap assignment.
If you get a crap assignment, lay a guilt complex on your
boss. Make it clear that they now owe you a glory assignment.

=> "The early bird gets the worm". True
- but the night hawk eats venison.

- You will never get credit for arriving at work before
everyone else - because they didn't see when you arrived.
Always arrive at work late and then leave late. If you are
still working when the other employee leaves, it makes them
appear to be making less effort than you - even though they
may have put in the same, or more hours than you did.

Do not arrive early AND leave late. That will cause you to
get tired, burned out, and not perform at peak efficiency.

- Every manager is indebted to their boss for every dollar
in their department's budget. This means they must keep
their department's salaries as low as possible. In your
performance review, your boss is looking for every "bullet"
they can use to "shoot down" your raise.

Keep a journal of every task that you complete successfully
and every accomplishment that you achieve. In your
performance review, your boss can be very forgetful. You
need to come to the review with a few bullets of your own.

- A group of employees is like a pack of wolves. Each
employee jockeying for a more dominant position. To achieve
domination over a fellow employee they have to prove they
are more skilled than the other employee.

Schedule time every day to read and study material related
to your profession and the business that your company is in.
Continuously increase your skill level. This does not
require putting in more hours at work or taking time at
home. You can usually block out from 30 minutes to 2 hours
during the workday for skill enhancement.

If you have a high skill level, you don't need to join a
click to cover your mistakes. When you make a mistake, you
will have enough value to the company to be able to admit
to the mistake without affecting your status in the company.

When you make a mistake say this; "I made a mistake and if
the company doesn't like the way I work, they can hire
who-ever is second best". This is a way of telling the
company that even though you are human and make mistakes,
you are still a highly skilled employee and a valuable asset
to the company.

You CAN have a secure job with good advancement even if you
have too much self-respect to kiss butt. When you follow
the rules above, your bosses may not smile at you, but they
will be handing you a big paycheck!
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