Is Debt Destroying Your Relationships?

Likely, yes. Why is that? Well you fight more and the reasons are many. Lets talk about a few. It is likely one person in the house earns more money than the other. It is also more likely one spends more than the other. This situation can create an environment ripe for yelling and hurtful things being said. Lets say Beth is the big money earner and the big spender. John makes okay money but is tighter on the spending. All he can see is Beth spending their retirement fund while he is doing his best to make more money to contribute a larger chunk to retirement. Beth thinks, heck I am earning it and if I want to spend it I will. This relationship is on the road to divorce. Lets say Ed is the big money earner and Molly is the lesser earner and the bigger spender. You don’t need an expert to tell you this is a situation for disaster. Molly says she is spending for the household and if Ed was not always working he could go and do it for all she cared. Ed thinks well if that is the gratitude I am getting, stick it in your ear. Where is this relationship going? It does not matter who is spending their way into debt faster the result is stress in the relationship. When that happens normally the intimacy lessens, i.e. less or no hugging, kissing and sex. Well it is just a matter of time before someone starts to wander into the wrong arms. It isn’t that the other person is better it is just there isn’t any financial baggage between and as such none of the accompanying stress. After that happens things normally do not get better. The amazing thing is the solution is quite simple. Talk about it. That’s it, you need to sit down at the kitchen table and spend 10-15 minutes talking about spending and money in your relationship. Do not try to go beyond 10-15 minutes. This is highly emotional territory and you’re going to novices about talking rationally about your money situation. Take baby steps in the beginning. Your first step in your conversation with your partner is to identify the real enemy. No I’m not talking about pointing a finger at who’s to blame. There has been enough of that already. Your common enemy is debt and poor spending choices. You’re aim is to find common ground to work from in turning this situation around. Make a clear plan for where you and your partner want to be financially by a certain age. Then brainstorm all the places you can increase your net worth or decrease your cash outflow. Likely you are both a bit off target on spending and given enough time to talk it over you will start to see areas where you can improve and hopefully your partner will see them also. When you are both clear that you are on the same team with the same goal in sight your debt stress will decrease considerably. The really important thing is you will feel closer to each other and that means we are back to hugging, kissing and yes, sex. Don’t let debt ruin your good thing, make tonight the night you sit down with your partner for 10-15 minutes and talk about money. One day you will be glad you did.