All That Flapping About Has To Stop

What a pleasant man that Rick Stein is. Only the other night, as I tucked into Mrs Holmes’ latest offering and flicked through the channels before settling down with his show (yes, another TV dinner) was I really made aware of this.

Pleasant-ish anyway. He seems a little heavy handed with his ingredients at times -when they’re still alive- for my taste but I’m not overly worried by this. I think that’s just twinges on my part because I’m still feeling guilty about falling off the vegetarian wagon. The pheasant shoot he went on recently still sticks in my throat however.

Last night, he was waxing lyrical about an upsurge in the nation’s enjoyment of Cornish sardines. When called pilchards, there was no demand, no call for them. But Cornish sardines are a whole different kettle of fish entirely. (Well, no they’re not, they’re the same species.) It would appear the name change has added romance and flavour.

He quite often enjoys going to the source of his dishes. Last night’s programme involved a trawler trip. I just wish he hadn’t pawed the fish, held them aloft, whilst they were still alive. The dreadful flapping and the bulging eyes were a little off-putting. I think this particular fish was wishing to god it was still called a pilchard. Less demand, more time in the sea, it reasoned. Not unreasonably…

I think it’s his evident enjoyment in the whole cooking experience that I find so endearing. An obvious enjoyment, whilst remaining wholly down-to-earth is a winning combination. No airs and graces, no nouvelle cuisine, just a man with a pleasant manner and a straightforward recipe.

I was still pondering this today when I came across a snippet of information regarding Jamie Oliver. In many ways, the antithesis of Rick Stein. Tempting though it is, I’m not going to unleash on the boy. He’s got a lisp, he’s the perfect example of a mockney, but it’s all been said before. Let’s leave it. The information regarding Mr Oliver was apropos the Sainsbury’s adverts he’s starred in. “Starred” here is the operative word. How can someone, though undeniably a whizz in the kitchen, become a personality? It seems very strange.

As Stephen Fry said, upon winning Celebrity Mastermind: “The word of the epoch: Celebrity.” You can’t have celebrity chefs any more than you can celebrity plumbers. But of course, once the bourgeois have sunk their teeth in, logic spirals out of control. They adore posh nosh, therefore we have celebrity chefs.

I digress. Jamie Oliver and Sainsbury’s. The “Jamie effect” as Sainsbury’s themselves have called it, has boosted their profits by £153m. You can’t say fairer than that.

Whilst we’re on the subject of celebrity chefs, Rick Stein aside, one other I have a lot of time for is Kevin Woodford. Though more high profile than Stein, he has also retained some basic human qualities such as humour and a lack of pretence. Speaking of Kevin Woodford also allows me to regale you with something very funny I read in Loaded several years ago.

One of their writers was over on the Isle of Man and had popped in to The Waterfront, Woodford’s flagship restaurant, only Mr Woodford wasn’t in the kitchen that particular day. As the Isle of Man has very strict laws regarding homosexuality (basically, don’t, regardless of your age) the writer, John Perry considered that perhaps the celebrity chef had gone back to the mainland “where his moustache would raise less suspicion.” Very good. Wit and a damning indictment on homophobia all rolled into one.

These chefs do serve one useful purpose though. Highlighting the fact that it’s ok for blokes such as me to potter around the kitchen without fear of ridicule. We can experiment to our heart’s desire. And whilst we’re on the subject, I find it delightful that my stepson is doing cookery at school. He has no choice. It’s part of the curriculum. Breaking down the barriers of stereotyping is always a good thing. (I’d rather I hadn’t had to try his scones out last week though.)

This is the only use for celebrity chefs though. Allowing men into the kitchen is too large a price to pay for having them on our screens so often. You may remember I spoke earlier of Rick Stein causing a fish to flap about with bulging eyes. It rather reminded me of the chefs themselves.

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