Why You Need Some Lawn Flamingos Right Now
Turn that frown upside down, my friend. It's as easy as buying yourself a few pink lawn flamingos, the beacons of bad, the kitsch-masters of cool, the most retro-riffic birds ever to light on your lawn.
Pink lawn flamingos are the quintessential symbol of American kitsch,
as all good hipsters know. Since you're a good hipster, the burning question is, why don't you own one? Here are three compelling reasons why you can't live even one moment longer without some:
1. If it's from 1957, it has to be good. Pink lawn flamingos are the creative masterpiece of yard-art sculptor Don Featherstone, who first designed them for Union Products in 1957. Featherstone's flamingos went on sale in 1958, a year in which, fortuitously, the color pink was reaching new heights of fashionability. Soon after, violently rosy, durably plastic tropical birds began appearing in graceful poses on lawns across the nation, and the rest is kitch-story. Displaying lawn flamingos tells the world, or at least your corner of it, that you tip your hat humbly to the pre-irony era, and all the cheerfully goofy splendor it continues to offer. If this isn't reason enough for you to buy one, check your pulse and read on.
2. They're cheaper than meds. You get up, grimly slurp some coffee, and drag yourself kicking and screaming to work each day. The kicking and screaming usually doesn't stop once you've arrived, and after eight hours of grinding away for the man, you fight like a traffic ninja to get back to home sweet home.Wouldn't it be delightful if there were pink lawn flamingos there to herald your semi-triumphant return? There's no problem so great, no burden so heavy, no weariness so worldly that it can stand up to the comic relief a lawn flamingo offers. They're better at diffusing negative emotions than herbal teas, yoga, and therapy combined.
3. Lawn flamingos are cooler than you. How groovy would you be if you were a flamingo made of hot pink, all-weather plastic? Pretty groovy, that's how. And that's how groovy lawn flamingos are. They own groovy, my friend. No matter where they go, there they are, in all their lurid, unapologetic splendor - we wish we were that cool, and surrounding yourself with lawn flamingos is the next best thing to being one. Why be a boring old conventional person and confine them to your lawn? You can add a double-shot of awesome to any room by propping up a few surprise flamingos inside. How fun would it be to have a pair of pink lawn flamingos arching their long necks delicately towards your entertainment center, peeking out from behind your indoor plants, or startling visitors as they enter your guest bathroom?
