MLM - It's NOT About You

You know if there's one thing that's become ever so clear to me it's what goes on inside a distributor while (s)he's working the business.

You see when someone's working their business, really working it, there are things going on inside the person that are totally dictated by what goes on outside of that person. And what I mean by outside is what kind of activity that distributor is creating in their prospecting world.

When a new distributor, or any distributor for that matter, is prospecting and going through leads or whatever other method they are doing, they inevitably have to talk to folks and determine if these people are really qualified prospects for their business.

Even those prospects that are generated through non-contact type methods like having someone track you down and sign up under you. Whatever.

When this happens a new distributor finds themself having to converse with that new prospect. And what happens when this occurs? Many things.

But let me first set the stage for what is going on in that new distributor. You see, it's pretty obvious that we're all human. And by that I mean that we all have feelings, hopes, desires, wants, needs, and so forth. All that sometimes referred to as 'gushy stuff'. But no matter what you call it, it is what makes us totally distinct from virtually every other creature on the planet.

And at the same time this is the stuff that can lead to a new distributor's downfall.

I'll explain.

Wait, I'll need to go on a little side route off of this insight path for a minute...

Several weeks ago my wife asked me why I was doing all this MLM stuff. You see, I've been doing it for a few years now and she was just curious as to why I'm doing all this and what keeps me at it.

I must admit that she had me stumped because I couldn't think up an answer to her inquiry. At least not at that moment.

I found that her question was a really good one because it made me think and precisely figure out why I was doing all this stuff. And after about a day of pondering all of this I finally figured out what it was that was keeping me in this sometimes crazy-making business. And it all came down to one word...

Hope.

You see, I still have that necessary J.O.B. and all the shackles that go along with it and I work my business around my day work. So like probably most of you I am still living to work instead of working my dream.

I found out that MLM gives me hope. The hope of coming home to roost someday soon. The hope of being able to dictate my days and what gets done or not in them. You know, the 'be your own boss' mantra and all that stuff.

Anyway...

Continuing with this sideroute - I found that this 'hope' stuff is something that most networkers carry with them. I know this is true because that is the bill of goods we're usually sold when we sign up with our main deal. The dream. The magic ending to all this. The end result. Freedom.

And how do we hang onto all of this? How do we keep the 'dream' alive? Hope.

So let's recap exactly what's been (un)covered here so far.

We're all distributors.

Some are more newbie distributors than others but that doesn't matter.

As since we're all distributors, we all at one time in the past bought into the dream of MLM.

Perhaps not wholeheartedly. Some of us instead of diving in perhaps are just sticking one toe in to test the waters, but nevertheless, we have all been given a taste of the elusive dream of ... yes, that word again...

Freedom.

The call of freedom and all that it will mean to us when our entire day is built on it being personal freedom to us.

The second point here is that as a part of accepting that dream of freedom and the fact that most likely we don't have it currently to the level that we desire, we've also enrolled ourselves into the second part of the MLM equation. That part is what is called 'hope'.

Hope for a better future...

...For us.

...Our families.

...Our days.

...Our grandchildren.

...Etceteras, and on and on.

So we all live in HOPE.

Got it? Good. Let's get back on the main insight path and continue with this article.

Now, about this fact that we humans basically allow what happens outside of us to dictate what happens inside of us. It would appear that I might need to explain this with a couple of examples in order to make it perfectly clear what I'm writing about here. Sound good to you? Good.

Okay, let's keep this at the level of your business and what you're doing to build it.

As a newbie distributor you're hopefully doing what you're supposed to be doing and what is that something, exactly? Building your business of course.

And how to do you go about building your business? You prospect.

You seek out hungry prospects who are just looking for a chance to change their lives with a truly unique and genuine opportunity just like the one you're offering them, right?

So...

You're out there promoting your deal to folks and sifting and sorting for the good ones. What happens during this sifting and sorting methodology stuff? You come across a ton of tire-biters that are so cold to your opportunity that they couldn't fog up a mirror in the middle of a cold northern Canadian winter.

And what do these prospects say to you so that it is crystal clear to you that they couldn't possibly care any less for your deal than if you were offering them your product for free?

They say no.

Oh, but not just a simple no...instead you get the grand- daddy of all no's. The hit-you-where-it-hurts no.

You get the "HECK no" (again, family-friendly insight here folks so no "I'm gonna wash your mouth out with soap" words allowed :-).

And what happens to you once this brutal conversation occurs in your world of prospecting?

You make this about YOU.

You shrink up.

You react.

You take it personally.

You feel rejected.

You question yourself if even just a little bit.

You hurt.

You get mad.

You feel disappointed.

You die inside ever so slightly.

And what's the end result of this? You slowly but imperceptibly chisel away another small chunk of your hope. It falls away never to be found again.

Now, how about we look at what happens when you're doing your prospecting and you come across a bunch of prospects that are more than happy to hear what deal you're working. They're interested. They ask questions. They inquire about the product and the biz side and what you've done to-date. They like what they hear.

And then what do they do? They actually sign up.

Yes, after all your smooth talking combined with that miraculous 3-way with your upline. And their reading of that fat prospect packet you mailed to them at your cost. And after they saw the smooth company video and listened to the audiotape and drooled all over the slick corporate brochures...they actually joined your deal. They call the company on their own initiative and signed up under you.

Actually, as you're talking to them you recall that they even called you to tell you that they signed up under you and want to build it big with you.

Life couldn't get any better than this. Seriously.

This is what it's all about. Isn't it?

You're in this deal to sign folks up. You're in this deal to find leaders like these folks and to sponsor them into your biz.

Wow. Too cool.

So after all this happens and the smoke clears from your eyes, lets take a detailed look at what's going on inside you. Many words can describe this inner situation.

Elation.

Excitement.

Promise.

Expectancy.

Commitment.

Confirmation.

Happiness.

Gratefulness.

Hope.

Shall I continue? I think you get the picture.

Essentially, you're feeling pretty much on top of the world at this moment. Pretty neat stuff when you think about it.

But do you want to know something?

Sit down for this one...

This is no different than when you were chopped down by all those tire biters. Absolutely no difference whatsoever.

I'll explain.

You see, exactly what is going on here is that you're letting what is happening outside of you dictate what happens inside of you.

I know, I know, I hear it already...

"But Andre, what's wrong with feeling good about signing up a winner like this new distributor I just hooked? I mean, come on dude can't I just celebrate the good ones like this? What's wrong with that?"

Did I paraphrase your thought fairly well? So, I'll now answer your question.

What's wrong with this is that you're dancing on the other side of the same coin. On one side of the coin is the mental and emotional space containing rejection, disappointment, fear, dread, failure. On the other side of the coin is the mental and emotional space containing happiness, deserving, excitement, and want.

What I mean by all this is that one day all is going about as bad as it can and you've been rejected 87 times from Sunday from every prospect you come in contact with. And then the next day you can't say even the right thing to anybody and people are dropping distributor applications at your feet...all filled out with their check attached to the application paperwork. And what do you do with all this? You respond accordingly.

Outside bad, inside bad. Outside good, inside good. Results negative, outlook negative. Results positive, perspective positive.

Essentially, what is happening here is you're allowing yourself to be dragged from pillar to post and you don't even know it. And what is really going on here through all this? You're lows are eating away at your hope. That one thing that is keeping you in the game. That so precious commodity that only can be reduced so far before you find yourself saying goodbye to the dream of making anything happen in MLM.

Now I know that this seems to be just the human thing to do. Doesn't it? Things are going good in your world, why not feel good about it? Well, let me ask you - when things go bad does that necessarily mean that you have to feel bad? I'll bet that at least some of you see the absurdity in all this.

So let me ask you again. How do you feel when you have that 'really good prospect', the one you've been dogging since last year on a bi-weekly basis, finally show you his/her true colors and finally say 'nope not interested' to you? What do you do? Like most of us, you sit back as you recoil from the situation.

You BECOME the situation. You take it personally and internally and get depressed. You take it in and spit it right back out in your actions. Or in this case, probably a lack of actions.

I mean how much prospecting do you find yourself doing when YOU'RE depressed and feeling dejected in general. I'll bet not much is happening in any area of your world. Right?

Let's twist the insight here and look at what is REALLY going on here.

I know, I know... "But Andre, you just finished talking about what's happening inside of us because of what happens outside of us. Isn't that the point?"

Good observation, but you're only partially right.

Let's continue with this insight because I think I've cut this point down to the bone about as far as I can go.

Moving on.

The real point to this insight is that what you're doing here is you're making all of your prospecting about YOU!

Flew right over the ol' forehead with that one didn't I?

I'll rephrase...

As long as you're allowing yourself to be thrown about by the world around you, as you perceive it, you're actually operating under the belief that you can actually control the world and its outcomes.

I've got news for you.

You can't.

Sorry to be so blunt but I know by now that you can take it.

You see, when you get all depressed and rejected by a prospect turning you down what is really happening here is that you're somehow, perhaps even in some small way, operating under the belief that you can control or create YOUR desired outcome with this situation. You're operating under the belief that you can control this prospect and if you only give them a stellar enough presentation then you'll have them slobbering at your feet and kissing your shoes thanking you for coming into their life with your deal.

This even applies to those situations when all appears to be going well. Remember those prospects that you can't say the wrong thing to and they still sign up under you? Yeah, those dream prospects.

I ask you, what did that have to do with you? Perhaps you think that they joined because of you and that amazing 3-way you allowed them to have with your upline leader. Or maybe you gave them just the right amount of information and had the proper influencing tone in your voice that just made them see how good a deal you had with you and they just had to bite on the bait.

But you know what's common with both of these situations? You're making them about you by thinking that you are an integral part of the equation. And when that equation doesn't add up to what it's supposed to, then you respond accordingly. Either in a positive, or a negative way.

Now, let's see what you can do about all this.

How about you do nothing?

That's right...nothing.

You don't do anything about this. You don't act, react, or get into the emotive side of things. You don't make this about you. You don't make this about how good of a presentation, or even how bad of a presentation you did. You don't make this about how polite you were and considerate you were that you asked them about their great step aunt's appendectomy scar that must be healing by now.

Forget that you can control ANYTHING about this process. And how about instead you remember that the only thing that you truly can control in all this is the fact that you can't control them and what they do. Or don't do.

You see, it's to your downfall that you're making this about you. Don't do that. Stay out of the emotional side of all this and just do what you're supposed to do since you're one of the good distributors. Be the messenger. Give them the MLM message you're offering. And that's it - your job's done.

If they grab the baton and run with it in your race, you know what? That had nothing to do with YOU. THEY were ready to do it. You just happened to be in the right place.

I think I need to rephrase this to ensure that I'm getting to all of you.

Just imagine for a moment that you're one of those 7-star- super-astronomical-fourth-quadrant-stellar-blue-ointment-diamond distributor's and you're at the top of the pay plan. You're raking in, say, forty-thousand monthly. Month in, month out. You there. At the top.

Now, you know as this top-of-the-heap distributor and company leader that the key to staying on top of the game is to continue to prospect no matter how much green you're making. So you're still doing your prospecting vigorously.

Now I ask you, does your list of cold-lead prospects know this is who you are when you call them on the phone? Does that dudette you approach on that street corner know that you're making more in a month than she probably does in a year? What about that grocery clerk who just asked you about that button you have pinned on your chest that say's "I feel cool, ask me why".

Do any of them even care who you are? Well, outside of you being a total moron to them, they probably won't even give YOU a second thought. And you know what will happen? They'll either join, or not. And their joining won't have diddly to do with you and who you are in your main deal.

It's all about THEM. Not about YOU.

It's all about where they are in life and if they're ready for what you have to share with them. If they aren't ready to make a change, it doesn't matter if you're that superstar leader distributor. Or on the other side of the spectrum, it doesn't matter if right now your bonus check was $6.47 last month.

Did I make that point clear? Good, let's continue.

So, again, what are you doing about all this right now? You think you can control them. You think you can control your prospecting situation and the outcome of that situation.

You think YOU are part of the equation. And, again, what happens when you do this enough times?

Yes, you lose hope. And eventually you're out of the race. Your hope dies and so does your dream along with it.

So, how about you do this from now on...

Don't think about the RESULTS of your prospecting. Instead, think about the PROCESS.

What I mean by this is you remove yourself from hoping for a good end result, because remember when that end result IS good you FEEL good, but when that end results turns out 'wrong' or bad you FEEL bad.

Think about the process. Just BE the process of MLMing. Go out there and prospect. Prospect the dickens out of your world. Totally get into the process because when you do you'll be reaching out to folks like your deal's going out of style. And that's good.

Focus on the process of MLM. Focus on recruiting. Focus on training. Focus on sharing. Focus on getting the message out there. Focus on being the best messenger you can be. Focus on being the best sponsor you can be. Focus on developing your-self to the best of your abilities. All of this is in your control so this is why you need to focus on all this.

DON'T focus on the end result of all this MLM crazy-making. That's not in your control.

Don't think that this new prospect has to join your deal. That's not in your control.

Don't think that you can control what someone else does. That's not in your control.

Don't think that your prospecting outcome has anything to do with you because as long as you're sharing the message, it doesn't.

And above all else...

...Don't get into the emotions of all this and lose sight of the process.

So, to summarize...

Stay with the process. You control it totally, so keep it moving.

Keep an eye on the results but don't make the results the goal. They're not.

As long as you're focusing on the process and continuing with it and moving ahead with the process of MLMing you'll keep your hope intact and the results will take care of itself. I guarantee it.

Good luck.

I hope this insight was helpful with your business efforts.