How to Magically Attract a Great Man

I’m dating a really great man.  He loves being a man and he exudes masculinity.  He’s not interested in developing his ‘feminine’ side – he says being a man is a full-time job, and learning how to be a great man, an even bigger job.  

Now in terms of masculinity, we’re not talking caveman here, or ‘Johnny Redneck’ who is unable to communicate his feelings.  This guy knows how to do that extremely well.  We’re talking about a man who knows how to treat a woman so she feels like a W-O-M-A-N… not like a buddy, or a housekeeper, or his mother, but like a woman.

He opens doors, he orders for me after asking what I want, he asks questions, he listens intently when I answer, he’s honest, he’s considerate of my needs and desires; he has, ladies, what used to be called manners and class.  He’s made a study of how to be a gentleman, and how women want to be treated.

He’s a very independent guy – he’s got a full, successful, and happy life and doesn’t need me to complete it.  He wants me to simply bring my feminine energy to his life- things like grace, charm, beauty, and wisdom.

He doesn’t need me to cook for him, or do his laundry, or clean his house – he’s been managing to do those things on his own for quite some time.  He’s an adult; he knows how to take care of himself.

Now guess how that makes me feel?  Sexy, beautiful, and appreciated.  I get to show up and be treated wonderfully.  I get to let him be the man and do all the asking (something it took me years to learn how to do).  I get to choose and receive.  I get to feel totally and completely cared for.

Years ago, it would have bothered me that he didn’t need me.  Not anymore.

A great man is not looking for a wife to take care of him – he doesn’t need one.  He’s looking for a companion, a lover, a woman he can treasure, love, protect, admire, and adore.

When I started dating after my divorce, I set a very clear intention that I wanted a man who would do all the things I just listed.  I wanted to feel treasured, loved, protected, admired, and adored.

This man wrote to me for weeks with long, beautiful letters before we ever talked on the phone.  Not that he couldn’t have called me, he could have.  He wanted me to know what kind of man he was.  He had also read the articles I had written and listened to my interviews, because he really wanted to know who I was and what I was all about.

What was I doing during this time?  Receiving his intentions.  I acknowledged and responded to his letters with appreciation, and I let him pursue me.  In his words, he “courted me.”  But in such a lovely way.  He never rushed the process or pressured me; he just allowed it to unfold.  He made sure I didn’t lose interest, but he was in no hurry.

That kind of power and confidence in a man is very attractive.  Watch Cary Grant with Grace Kelly in the Alfred Hitchcock classic, “To Catch a Thief.”  This guy has studied Cary Grant.

He says men in our generation (in their 40’s), have forgotten the art of being a man and how to be a gentleman.  We grew up with the lines being blurred between men and women – partially because of the feminist movement and the philosophy that men need to be in touch with their feminine side, and women need to be in touch with their masculine side.

Although I agree, we all have feminine and masculine energies, there’s a book by David Deida called, “The Way of the Superior Man,” which speaks to why the differences between men and women are so important to the art of attraction and seduction… it’s the polarity between the two energies that creates the magnetic pull, the attraction.  So rather than trying to equalize the differences, we should celebrate them.

Don’t get me wrong, part of the reason this man wants to be with me is because he admires my work, loves how I think, and is eager to talk with me at length and hear my viewpoint and opinions.  It’s not about having me sit there, look nice, and listen to him, although he is fascinating to listen to.

But he mentioned one night that if women only knew that there is nothing more magnetic and powerful than a woman who knows how to stand in her femininity and receive masculine energy.  It’s intoxicating to men.

So how does all this relate to me, you, us, as women?  As wonderful as this man is, the only reason I attracted someone like this was because I was not coming from a place of need.  I was no longer looking for a man to take care of me, or to fill a void in my life as I was years ago.  I didn’t ‘need to be needed,’ or to find a man to ‘complete’ me.

What did I attract?  A man who knows how to take care of himself and doesn’t need me to do that for him.  That would not have been the case years ago.  I thought I needed to be needed in order to be loved.  I didn’t feel worthy of just receiving a man’s love without ‘doing’ something for it, without having to work for it in some way to prove myself worthy.  I thought I needed to fill a need in his life, in order for him to want to stay with me.

Those were not healthy relationships for me.  Dysfunctional would be the more appropriate word.  Once I chose to take responsibility for my life and everything in it, including my part in all my relationships, things changed.  Not overnight.  It took time.  Reforming my beliefs and working on my self-esteem was work, but I got help to really see where my blind spots were (thank God for my coach), and worked through piece by piece until I got clear of those old issues and behaviors.

Was it worth all the work, all the time and effort, the months of struggling through the emotional journey and healing the past?

Yes, it was worth all the work.

All I need to bring to this relationship is the gift of me… that’s it.  That’s all he wants.

How do you attract a great man? 

Let yourself be the great woman you are.  Stop trying so hard to bend yourself into what you think ‘he’ wants.  Stop trying to force it to happen and just allow the relationship to unfold.  Allow yourself to receive.  Stay in the moment and allow yourself to enjoy every moment as it unfolds.

My wish for you is that you will receive all that you deserve… a great man who can love and appreciate you exactly the way you are.

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