Fun? What's That?

A client sent me this email recently. She wants to remain anonymous. See how you feel when you read this.

“I'm talking on the phone to CoachLady, my flaming extrovert ex-coach. It's so good to hear her voice again; it's been nearly a year. I’ve reconnected with her for some help on a current issue. We chat a little about this and that, the past and the future. I have a warm feeling in my tummy. We talk for about 45 minutes. She stays on the surface, talks fast and says little, but I have time to philosophize about the future of my field, share some deep thoughts that have been percolating about a "Newsweek" article I recently read (it's my nickel after all), and then she says she has to go. I'm sad because I've enjoyed it so much, and she's always in a hurry, always got clients back-to-back.

"And," she adds before she hangs up, "Let's definitely get together one day next week (now that this tedious phone call is over) for some FUN."

“YIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My stomach cramps. No, please, not ... ‘fun.’

And, did she miss something? Weren't we just having fun? I was. What was she doing?”

This scenario is reenacted all the time in school and business, any place extroverts and introverts interact. Does it remind you of the saying, one man’s meat is another man’s poison?

The thing I’m concerned about is, CoachLady will never know how introverted client feels because introverted client is too ashamed to say anything. So CoachLady will go on perpetrating horrors on introverted client while introverted client thinks there’s something wrong with introverted client because she isn’t “fun-loving”.

Let’s try to understand each other a little better. What is fun anyway?

We know what extroverts enjoy because America is set up for their pleasure. Extroverts are the vast 70% majority in our culture. For them and because of them we have huge food courts in huge shopping malls, noisy computer games with stun guns , Disneyland, athletic stadiums, neon signs, frat parties, spring break in Ft. Lauderdale, professional conventions, public award ceremonies, cell phones, wrap around sound and so much more!

If you’re an introvert, this list makes your head spin. The truth is, those things sound more like a life sentence than a way to spend some spare time.

Do you think there’s something wrong with you because you don’t squeal with pleasure at the opportunity of joining the belly flop contestants on the top deck of a Carnival Cruise? Don’t apologize! You’re an introvert.

Introversion is a legitimate personality type. It’s a proven fact now. Studies show that extroverted babies move toward external stimuli such as bright lights, noise and people. Baby introverts move from away from them.

So what’s fun for introverts? I bet you’re ashamed to admit it. You love a walk in the park, reading a good book by the fire, dangling your feet off the pier for a few hours (fishing pole optional), working in the garden and puttering around the house. Oh, and don’t forget playing with your fur companion or travel. Those are high on our list as well.

The point is, people will stop thinking we’re nerds (extroverts who “failed”) when we stop apologizing for ourselves. Let’s raise some consciousness. They can have fun their way, but we get to have it our way, too. Anyone for a hot game of Scrabble tonight? No apologies!