Helping Develop A Better Relationships with Yourself

A. How Can I Know if I Have A Good Relationship with Myself?

• I know what I like and don't like
• I’m able to hang onto my values, beliefs, and desires, even if someone disagrees with me
• I’m aware of what's important to me in life
• I have a sense that I can accomplish what I want to in life
• I have a sense of my own personal power
• In general, I am not a victim of other people’s desires
• My satisfaction comes from living out the dreams and goals that God has given me, not from helping someone else live out their goals and dreams
• I’m able to maintain who I am even when someone I care about is upset with me 
• I’m able to self-soothe my own internal anxiety, rather than only being able to get soothing from substances, activities, or other people
• I’m able to tolerate discomfort and pain in order to grow
• I’m able to put my desires and insights into action, not just have these remain as "something I should do"
• I’m able to maintain my personal integrity (my actions and personal values are congruent) 

B. Ideas to Form a Deeper Connection with YourSelf:

• Be open to the idea that you have an inside self that needs to be seen.
• Let yourself feel the feelings that come up around realizing what "mirrors" of yourself you were given, and how those have affected your image of who you are.
• Write a letter (not to send) to the people who gave you an inaccurate reflection of yourself. "I'm realizing that you gave me the message that I ____________________."   I'm realizing that this is not true, and I'm taking steps to scrub away this distorted image of myself, and instead begin to see myself as God sees me, and as I really am.
• Talk to yourself with as much compassion as you can muster.  "I realize that I've been believing these things about me.  I don't want to see myself in a distorted way anymore.  
• I want to begin the process of wiping away the lies of who I was told I was, and get to know me as I really am."   I realize that I'm not ___________________ (pick one false attribute you have believed about yourself because someone told you that).  I don't want to reject myself like this any more."
• Expect lots of grief as you enter into this process. 
• Make sure you have a safe friend, counselor, coach, group,  or  Pastor you  can process your feelings with.
• Start forming the habit of asking yourself what you need, rather than running to a substance, activity, or another person to meet your need.
• Begin the process of learning to soothe yourself when upset.