How Do I Get Rid of My Inner Critic?

Copyright (c) 2009 Valery Satterwhite

One of the questions I get asked most is "How did I get an Inner Critic?" That question is usually followed by "How do I get rid of it?" These are both great questions and since I get asked about the Inner Critic so often I'll answer these questions here.

How did I get an Inner Critic?

When you were born you were in awe and amazement about everything in your environment. You wanted to be nurtured and cared for. You were fun loving and happy. Everything you saw, including your parents, was there for your enjoyment and survival. Every thought and action was based on intuition and inspiration. And you began to explore your new world.

In doing so, you saw, heard and felt your experiences. Some experiences were wonderful, some not so great. As you learned how to navigate your environment you started to create a little "Rule Book" to help you avoid the not so great experiences. This book of rules became your Inner Critic - constantly reminding you what you can and cannot do to stay safe and away from unwanted experiences.

The problem is, as a young little child, you were not able to distinguish between truth and belief. You processed your experiences literally. You misinterpreted much of what you think you saw and heard. A parental statement such as "Bad boy" about breaking a toy, for example, became "I'm a bad person" to you. And you wrote in your Rule Book "I'm a bad person. I don't deserve." A teacher correcting a mistake of yours became "I'm not smart enough". A classmate in the schoolyard who makes fun of you becomes "People will always laugh at me". Your Dad coming home from a stressful day at work says "My rich boss just steps on the little people" becomes "Rich people just step on little people". You probably had other unavoidable scars from childhood. This is where the inner critical voice gets started.

You still live your life by this voice, these rules! In any area of your life that you aren't being, doing and having what you want know that your Inner Critic is leading your choices by following the 'rules'.

If you have a rule that "Rich people just step on little people" your Inner Critic will not allow you to become rich because, deep inside, you do not want to step on little people. You won't even realize that the choices you make will be toward making sure that you don't become rich. You will unconsciously self-sabotage to prevent the accomplishment of the success and abundance you yearn for. If you have a rule that says "I'm not smart enough" you will hold yourself back from achieving, or even wanting, bigger career goals.

The Inner Critic loves to be right. It is constantly looking for evidence to justify the rules - constantly seeking examples of 'rich people stepping on little people' and 'mistakes you made to prove you're not smart enough'. The Inner Critic will ignore any evidence to the contrary - won't even see it. And when it can't find any evidence that supports the rule it will create some drama in your life that will become the evidence it seeks.

"We are what we think about all day long." Ralph Waldo Emerson

How do I get rid of my Inner Critic?

Your Inner Critic is part of you. His job is to keep you safe and happy. He means well although he is woefully misguided. The Inner Critic thinks that what will keep you safe and happy is to keep you right where you are - in your current comfort zone. You may not like where you are right now but it's what you know. Your Inner Critic works hard to keep you right there. "Oh, no" your Inner Critic says, "We're not going to grow and stretch or move forward. To scary!" And he holds you back. And you don't feel good. If you're not feeling good that's a clear sign that your Inner Critic is in charge. When your inner voice becomes and stays critical, it drags you down. You will not be able to hold enough love or esteem for yourself to fulfill your potential.

What you want to do is take away the power your Inner Critic holds over you. Let him know that he's no longer in charge. Just tell him "You're not the boss of me!"

Before you can disarm him, though, you have to get be able to recognize his presence. He hides in your subconscious and often you're not even aware that he's there diligently working in the background. The good news is you can get really good at hearing and recognizing his voice. When you hear that self-talk that often starts with "Who am I kidding I can't...", or "I'm not - fill in the blank - enough to be, do or have that" know that this is just your Inner Critic at work. When you are envious or jealous that is another message from your Inner Critic reminding you that your aren't good enough to get what you want. Being able to notice when your Inner Critic chimes in is a big step in taking away his power. You can't afford to allow him to direct your life. It's costing you too much.

To strip away the Inner Critic's power, deliberately look for evidence that violates the rule. As in the above examples, look for rich people who help those who are less fortunate. There are plenty of them. Acknowledge the moments in your life when you were smart enough or good enough. There are plenty of them. You have lots of moments like these every day. Until now, your Inner Critic has blinded you to them. Heck, you had to do a lot of things good and right just to get into a position where you could read this article today.