How To Improve Your Quality Of Life By Using The Seven Moments - Moment #2

Moment #2 - Conflict - "Keep life interesting: find conflict"

Conflict is necessary for us as human beings. We need it as much as we need air and water. Sometimes we win. Sometimes we lose. Sometimes there is no defined resolution, and conflict is its own experience.

Conflict can make us break down and cry. It can also make us happy, especially when we win a situation and are victorious. Conflict makes us think. It keeps us alert. It makes us react, and it forces us to learn. It can make our blood boil. Indeed, without conflict–without the possibility of failure or the potential for triumph–life would be utterly boring.

Some examples of conflict:

Conflict in a relationship:  Conflict is inevitable when you are dating or when you are married. It can be a minor conflict. (You and your girlfriend argue over what you’re going to watch on TV.) Or, it can be a major form of conflict. (Your husband is an alcoholic and has become physically abusive towards your children.)

Conflict in movies and books:  Any fictional book or blockbuster movie is packed with conflict. Sometimes movies are so full of conflict that they make us physically tired and mentally drained by the time they are over. Have you ever felt that way about a movie? If you have, chances are strong that you just watched a great movie.

Conflict at work:  We might get into an argument with a colleague over the whereabouts of our favorite pen. We have conflict when we fail to meet our customers’ needs, and they confront us.

Conflict in sports: Competing against someone (or watching someone compete) is one of the stronger forms of conflict. The more civilized the society, the higher the demand for sports. Professional athletes get paid vast sums of money because the average American has become sedated. Our culture conditions us for a safe and monotonous lifestyle that allows for a cohesive existence within our society. We go to work, come home, and watch television. We pay our taxes. We live our lives in a manner to maintain a peaceful nation. Although it works, I believe we have put our human spirit to sleep to such an extent that we need to stare at a television and get our “conflict fix” by watching other people compete.  I don’t see this changing anytime soon because where else are we going to get physical conflict without the risk of breaking some law, going to jail, or getting hurt? Whether you sit in a recliner and watch sporting events on television or you’re actually a participant in a sporting event, sports go a long way in satisfying our human need for conflict. Most people have very little conflict in their lives, and their easiest solution to finding conflict is to watch sports. They get home from work, flip on the television, and wait for “the big game” to start.

Other examples of conflict:

You confront someone about a lie.

Your car won’t start.

You struggle daily to wake up and get to work on time.

Aside from moral beliefs and laws, conflict is conflict. From that perspective, robbing a bank is a pretty strong form of conflict that will enhance your human experience to a degree that most people might never feel. However, the repercussions of being a bank robber might not be so much fun. Sky diving is another great form of conflict (potential terminal conflict with the ground). Will you survive the fall, or will you squash yourself?

There are four categories of conflict:

Direct, physical conflict: a fistfight or boxing match, a football game, rugby, a karate match, fencing, bullfighting, wrestling

Indirect, physical conflict:  a baseball game, soccer, horseracing, a marathon

Indirect, mental conflict:  a game of chess or checkers, an argument, the game show “Jeopardy”, a video game

Conflict with yourself:  disciplining yourself not to buy that donut every morning on the way to work, telling yourself not to call your ex-boyfriend, telling yourself not to drink, disciplining yourself to study for that upcoming math test, biting your tongue when someone you love says something hurtful

I think most people define retirement as conflict free:  no more boss, no more driving to work, no more deadlines, no more alarm clock. I have a different perspective. By eliminating work and the opportunity for the conflict work brings with it, I think we are potentially cultivating a sedated lifestyle. If anything, retirement should mean that it’s time to experience the type of conflict that is most appealing and most challenging to ourselves. It’s the time of our life where we get to choose the situations that will rattle us the most.

Conflict is a necessary part of the human experience. Eliminate it and life becomes about as exciting as a piece of toast. If you want to keep your life interesting, here is the answer:  find conflict. Hopefully you can find conflict that is not life threatening yet still has an element of loss/triumph attached to it. Then again, maybe life-threatening conflict is the best way to go.

The next part of this article series is titled How To Improve Your Quality of Life by using the Seven Moments - Moment #3

"This is a multi-part article submission with excerpts directly from my book Life: The Seven Moments that really matter. Enjoy."  - Christian Blake."