Life Lessons, Volume 1

Some lessons life has taught me:

I CREATE MY OWN REALITY.

I firmly believe that I have created every item, person and
situation in my life. Even the ones that seem way outside
of my ability to create. Even the ones I don't like. I
believe that we make a choice before we enter this life to
experience particular emotions and we, unconsciously for the
most part, find the things, people and situations that will
allow us to feel those emotions. This is a very powerful
concept. For one thing, it immediately makes us stop being
victims. By accepting the responsibility for everything
present in my life today, I claim the power to create
everything in my life tomorrow.

Every experience in life is an opportunity to learn. The
trick is to ask, as quickly as possible, 'what have I
learned from this? Who am I today that I wouldn't be if
this didn't happen?'. Sometimes it's about learning how to
take care of ourselves. Sometimes it's just about
experiencing a feeling or emotion that we hadn't felt
before. The important thing is to learn the lesson, so that
negative experience doesn't need to be repeated.

IT ONLY HAS TO BE HARD IF I WANT IT TO BE HARD.

I don't believe the expression 'No pain, no gain'. I do
believe that when there is pain, there is always gain. But
it only has to be hard if I want or need it to be hard. And
why would I want or need it to be hard? Because even though
my logical mind understands and buys into the concept that
it can be easy and effortless (whatever it is), since birth
I have been barraged with messages that say you have to
work hard to get what you want, life isn't about being
easy, et cetera. These are deep in my subconscious and
that's where the process always starts. Even the word
'process', which I used for many years to mean facing
life's lessons head on, took on the meaning of 'painful
work'. Today, when I catch myself struggling, I create
affirmations that include the words 'easily' and
'effortlessly'. This is a choice that I am consciously
making in my life and the language I use can either support
or contradict it.

IT'S 11:30. IF I COULD BE ASLEEP, I WOULD BE ASLEEP.

Many years ago, when my niece was about 6, I was trying to
get her to go to sleep. She sat up, put one hand on her hip
and pointed to the clock with the other. In a voice full of
disgust and exasperation, she said, 'Aunt Louise, it's
11.30. If I COULD be asleep, I WOULD be asleep.' It was
hard to argue with that, because it was true. And it made
me realize how often I do a number on myself because I'm
not where I think I should be, or haven't reached a goal
I've set for myself. The reality is that there are many
forces at work --true desire, limiting beliefs, time
constraints, to name just a few. If I could be there, I
would be there. In the 12 years or so since my niece said
that to me, I've said it to myself a thousand times. It
helps me to let go of feeling like I've failed, and helps me
ask the questions that need to answered in the moment.
These questions are usually things like 'what do I need to
do/learn before I can go on to this?', 'is this something I
truly desire, or just think I should desire?', etc.

IF I SAY I WANT SOMETHING, AND I DON'T HAVE IT, THEN WHAT
DO I WANT MORE?

This may be the most valuable thing I've ever learned.
Because I believe I create my own reality, then the reality
I have is what I've created. And, although I may not like
what I've created, I need to take full responsibility for
it. So, if I don't like it and I say I want something else,
and I continue working towards that goal and it still
doesn't materialize, then it's time to stop and ask this
question: 'What do I want more?' Our unconscious goals,
desires and beliefs are much more powerful than our
conscious ones. And because they're 'unconscious', we are
not even aware they are there. They just control what we
manifest, leaving us feeling unsatisfied, frustrated and
disappointed.

The most striking example of this I can give is the fact
that for much of my adult life, I was not in a serious
relationship, although I said I wanted one. When I stopped
and asked the 'What do I want more' question, I got a very
surprising answer: Space! I had a 'thing' about my own
space. I'd always had a lot of space, all filled with my
stuff. For some reason, I had equated being in a live-in
relationship as meaning I would lose my space. It's been
almost ten years since I asked this particular question and
I am now married to a wonderful, sensitive person. It was
scary in the beginning, but once I was able to put the two
choices side by side (something you can't do when one is
unconscious!), I was able to make a true choice. Sometimes,
when we gravitate to the same room as we often do, I have
to smile as I recall my fears when he first moved in. Today,
I can not relate to the space issue at all and have
difficulty understanding why it was more important to me
than being in a loving, committed relationship. I am SO
glad I asked that question!