Personal Development can be confusing, stop wasting time. I made the mistakes so you don't have to. Cut short your development time with this article.
Personal Development Guide Part 1: Cut your learning curve
Note: This is part of a 4 part series to cut your personal development’s learning curve. The rest can be found at the Urban Monk website (www.urbanmonk.net).
Wake up!
When I began my personal development journey, I went off on a several wrong roads which slowed down my progress greatly. I’d like to help you avoid these mistakes, and thus I’ve put together some recommendations on the direction a newcomer should take.
Some of you might be tempted to jump into some area that you feel is the most lacking. In my case it was social skills and confidence. But as Stephen Covey states in his book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, there are personality ethics and character ethics.
To oversimplify, Personality Ethic personal development involves techniques and tactics to get what you want. Character Ethic personal development means that you BECOME someone who will have what you want. This is exactly the mistake I made, for I jumped straight without any research, and wasted much time on Personality Ethic growth.
Let’s take social skills for example. You want a potential business client to buy your service. If you were a Personality Ethic devotee, you will learn techniques like presentation and directing conversation to highlight your good points while hiding your bad points.
Character Ethic devotees will work on actually removing their bad points and strengthening their good points so there is nothing to hide. The client sees your good points and no bad points simply because there are no bad points to show.
While Personality Ethics have their uses, changing who you are is far more valuable. I started out learning social skills and “faking” happiness and confidence. But I was still the same inside. I was still the unhappy person underneath it all, just that I had a few extra tricks up my sleeve.
I feel my personal growth truly started when I stopped trying to copy the behaviours and mannerisms of a happy man, hoping to fool others into thinking I am one. That was when I decided to work on actually being a happy person and build confidence.
That is the reason for this guide; I have made the mistakes so you don’t have to.
Step One: Take a good hard look at your life.
Few people lead happy and purposeful lives. The majority exist, not live. They just get by. They are unhappy with their lives, and they blame external events for it – the economy, their circumstances, or other people. This way of thinking is so deeply ingrained that no amount of logical argument can convince them otherwise.
Are you happy with each aspect of your life? Wake up and realise that you are in charge of it. Yes, external circumstances can be a factor – some have it better then others, but there is nothing that cannot be improved. Improvement is never ending. Decide right here and now that you will handle it.
You might stumble at the start but you will learn and you will get what you want. Do not give up at the first sign of failure. Any new skill you learn will come with an initial period of trial and error.
Another trap to be wary of is conformity. Are you living your life the way you want to? Be honest. Are you living the life society wants you to live? Or the life your parents want you to live? Or are you doing things because the people around you are doing so? Do you work at your job because you love it, or because you are too scared to do otherwise? Do you stay in a relationship that you don’t like, because you are afraid you can’t find any better?
At this point many people will say “MY situation is different! You don’t understand! I can’t because…” No! Take responsibility! No-one can do it for you!
Remember, this applies to all aspects of your experience; relationships, career, health, friends, location, finances and everything else. Think of all these honestly – are you where you want to be? If not, what is stopping you? Most likely, only yourself!
Next, step two!
The remainder of the series can be found at the Urban Monk website.
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