Spiritual Suicide, Spiritual Medicine - Part Two

Copyright (c) 2008 Elizabeth Davis

Continued from Part One...

That night, kneeling by the edge of my bed, my knobby knees digging into the floor, I asked: "Great Spirit, God, Goddess, Universe, whatever name you choose to go by, please help me. I beg of you. I am on my knees. I am at my lowest low. If you show me my Life Purpose, I will forever be your humble servant." I did not realize, at the time, the intensity nor consequences of the prayer I was making.

Two weeks later, a knock came at my door.

As I opened the door, a pretty, brown-haired woman with gentle eyes stood looking at me. She commanded of me, "Hold out your hands." Looking into my hands and then at my face, she said, "You are not living the life you are meant to live," whereupon I burst into tears.

This woman, who was known as Terry-Linn, did not come to stand on my door step without resistance on my part. Numerous calls from my friend, Pammy, who had experienced Terry-Linn's work, had not yet convinced me that I needed help. It wasn't until I was ready to face my suicidal fantasies of escape that I realized I desperately needed help - and not of the medical sort. I needed spiritual help, spiritual medicine. Pammy's final plea sealed the deal. "Alright, send her over."

Before Terry-Linn gave me a full hand analysis session, she gave a hand analysis presentation to me and the eight or so guests I'd managed to assemble in my living room. After completing her mini-sessions with the guests, we sat down at the table in my barren kitchen, her assistant the only other person in attendance. She proceeded to tell me things that I had only dreamt about.

"Beth, your Life Purpose is essentially love. You are here to experience unconditional love for yourself, and in so doing, give love to others - you will help open their hearts. You will do this as a spiritual teacher, a writer, and a speaker. You will be pleased to hear that with hard work, you will indeed be wealthy and famous, known by millions for changing their lives for the better."

At least that's how I remember it through my tears. I never was able to listen to the taped recording as it somehow got damaged... but I remember that a lot started to make sense - all my existential suffering, ennui and emotional drama. I had move to Los Angeles to pursue an acting career that went nowhere fast and now I understood that my quest for the spotlight was not to play out the role of someone else's life, but to be the star of my own life and to share my discoveries with others as I traveled.

Not long after my session with Terry-Linn, I quit my job to help promote her business and the careers of other artists and healers. That went okay until I realized that I wanted to read hands myself. It was that moment of realization that ultimately set me free to pursue my own vision of success and creative fulfillment. Terry-Linn and I went our separate ways to pursue our own dreams but I'll never forget the part she played in my life. She was my guardian angel, sent from heaven when I had lost all hope.

As I found my soul's purpose, my outer life crumbled further into dust. I broke up with the last of my drug-abusing boyfriends, gave away most of my possessions, put the rest in storage, bought a used car online and tore out of LA, heaven-bent on doing only that which pleased my heart and soul, nothing more, nothing less. Many of my 'friends' at that time were already displeased with me and wrote me off altogether. I guess this is what happens when you tell the Universe that you will live your Life Purpose no matter what!

I had magnets made for my car that read "Hands Of America Tour" with my toll-free phone number and email address printed on them. I sent out press releases to local town publications in advance of my arrival which helped me book the hand readings that paid for my travels. I managed to get to 10 of the 50 states on my tour before I met my now-husband, Mark. He patiently waited for me as I continued on the road, trying to figure out if he was the right guy or if I was falling back into my old patterns of co-dependency. My family helped steer me straight on this one. "Uh, Beth, he is THE guy." Oh, right. Thank you.

Nine years later, I am still reading hands in addition to teaching other people how to read hands, leading business coaching master minds for spirit-minded entrepreneurs, selling information products and doing public speaking. Next up is the TV and/or radio show. Discussions are in the works... what fun it is to say "YES" to my Life Purpose. I haven't been depressed a day in nine years. Now that's what I call a complete recovery. God bless spiritual medicine and men and women like Terry-Linn who have the courage to say "yes" to that quiet, powerful voice within.

Without Terry-Linn's courage, I sometimes wonder what would have become of me. I am now a believer. Every sincere prayer, for our highest good, is answered. And I figure if a prayer isn't answered, it's not for my or anyone else's highest good. These days, I just pray this prayer, "Universe use me. Use me for the highest good of myself and others. I am your humble servant. Lead me. I will go where you ask. I will do what you ask me to do. I am here to fulfill my purpose on the planet before I am rendered into dust."

Knowing that I am at once irreplaceable and yet fully dispensable makes me simultaneously realize the HUGE responsibility I have to be honest and true to myself while also not sweating it too much. When I croak, the world will keep spinning and life will go on. It's more a matter of how I want to remembered - as someone who lived up to her potential or as someone who observed life, taking the backseat and criticizing, whining, or complaining rather than being and doing my best. For me, the choice isn't even a choice because the answer is so obvious.

Until we meet again, may you know and live your life purpose if it's the last thing you do! I thank you for joining me on this remarkable journey of discovery!