The Power of Sharing Your Needs

I was recently sharing about the Power of Sharing Your Needs during my weekly podcast, Encouragement for Your Soul. I've gotten some positive feedback from my subscribers about how to share your needs in effective ways with yourself and others, and thought I'd share with you some of what I covered.

Part 1 looked at basic needs in 8 key areas and helped my subscribers assess their needs.

Part 2 covered how to share your needs with yourself, God and others in effective ways. So first, think about your needs:

1. What needs are being met adequately?
2. What one or two needs are not being met that you'd like to focus on?
3. Brainstorm all the ways you might be able to get these needs met. Try to not censor your list, but to be creative. Also think about any friends you might possibly enlist to mutually help one another get needs met.
4. Continue to be aware of things you could do to meet your need in simple ways. Remember it isn't black and white, even meeting a need a little bit more will make a difference.

Start with sharing your needs with Yourself. Before we can share them with God or others, we need to acknowledge that need is good and valid to ourselves. So here's an example of mine:

A while back I realized that I have a need to recharge by carving away some time for myself each week. I acknowledged this need to myself, and owned it for myself This is when it became my responsibility to see that my need was met. If I don't own it as my own, I will be looking to others to fill my need, or become resentful when this need isn't met. How this looks is that I protect a space of time for myself on Fridays. I treat it as sacred time for me. What I do during this time varies from week to week. I don't agree to meet other people during this time, I don't do errands or chores during this time, and I don't let others decide how I use this time. I didn't used to do this - instead I thought of taking that time as optional in my mind and what happens to optional time - it gets scooped up by the needs of others, or used for mundane things that drain me, not fill me. My being able to protect this time for myself started by owning that I have this need and that I, not others, am responsible to see that it is met.

So, #1 is sharing the need with yourself, and owning it. If you talk to God about things in your life, a natural #2 would be to share this need with Him, and ask Him to help you meet it, to see creative ways you hadn't thought of, to help you protect the time, etc. There are some who might say you should share the need with God first, but I look at it differently - until we see the need ourselves, and own it, we won't be able to share it with God. Third, if another person is involved, you may choose to share that need with them. Now there are a million things I could share about this but to not overwhelm and keep this to something simple you could try this week, here is the basic principle.

When sharing your need, say what you want, not just what you're upset about. This is where we get messed up. If you share a need with someone else and just complain about the other person, or how your needs aren't being met this will never work. I think a part of us wants to believe that we can say anything we want and the other person should be understanding and receptive. But that doesn't work at all - at least not with people. The only one who is that patient is God Himself. Instead, try these guidelines:

1. Keep it simple
2. No complaining about the other person
3. Say what you want clearly and concisely
4. Be specific

Here's some examples:

"I was checking in with myself and realized that I need 3 hours to myself once a week to recharge. If I don't get this, I can get cranky and resentful and I don't want to be this way. My plan is to do this on Friday mornings and get a babysitter for this time."

"I would like to be a little more active and so I'm planning to take a walk after dinner each night. Could you look after the kids for 30 mins while I do this? I'd be happy to do the same for you when I get back so you can have some time to yourself."

"I've always wanted to take a course at the community college. I'm planning to sign up for the fall semester and take photography."

"I realize I don't spend time reading the Bible like I want to. I've decided to join a woman's Bible Study on Thursday mornings, because I know I won't do it on my own."

None of these are with an attitude of "I don't care what you think". They are with an attitude that I'm caring for myself and valuing myself rather than waiting for someone else to magically meet my needs, and then be resentful because they aren't getting met. Believe me, I've tried that and it doesn't work! Now the person you have shared with may not say "Great, how wonderful" but that's OK. Still retain the need as important, and get more creative with how to meet it, or partner with friends to accomplish your goals.

Here's a few good questions to consider for yourself:

• Are you waiting around for others to read your mind about what you want?

• Are there times when you don't even know what you want, yet are hoping that someone else will know?

• Do you stay silent about a need you have, then feel resentful later because your needs weren't met?

If so, it's pretty common to approach our needs this way. The problem is it doesn't work for us, or those in our lives.

So, how about trying some of the ideas above?

Remember, it isn't selfish to pursue goals or needs that are important to you. It's actually selfish NOT TO because if you aren't a partner in taking care of your needs, you'll unconsciously be resentful to others for not meeting your needs (often ones that you might not have told them about).

I hope this has been helpful to you!

Take some time today to come up with a simple plan to meet a need of yours

For more powerful ideas to help you with your relationships and self-care, subscribe to my Podcast by visiting www.KimsPodcast.com/kims-podcast/ . Think how nice it would be to get a boost of weekly encouragement to improve your relationships and help you with self-care. You need it, you are worth it, and you can do it!