WHEN – “MEN ARE FROM MARS AND WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS” – DOESN’T WORK!

WHEN – “MEN ARE FROM MARS AND WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS” – DOESN’T WORK!
 
Category: Life: Relationships.
Keywords: Relationship advice, personal values, behavioural model, character types, coaching.
Summary: If there is one thing for certain in life, there will always be people we meet who repulse us. Why? Because they are not our attracting character type!
Words: 1,180.
 
I’m sure we could all agree that the metaphor Men are form Mars and Women are from Venus is a great model for helping with relationship communication. After all it has out sold almost every relationship communication type book ever written.
 
But what happens if this black and white, she says he says type of communication doesn’t work for your relationships? After all in today’s climate this way of thinking offers a limited view when in comes to communicating in relationships.
 
Communication in our modern world.
 
The way we communicate today is becoming more and more complex, we are a far cry from our parents and grand parents situation where the father figure earned the daily bread and the mother figure stayed at home preparing the meals, doing the cleaning and looking after the children.
 
Adding to this complex way of relating are the following:
A rising number of women in the work force who are career orientated (A Mars type quality).
An increase in couples who are getting married later in life. (A rise in mature aged singles)
More gay relationships developing with-in the community. (Mars with Mars - Venusians with Venusians)
 
A new perspective.
 
Vampires, Victims and Sex maniacs is an exciting new universal model that differentiates character types but does not differentiate gender. You have character types that attract and character types that repel. There are three main character types and they are Sex maniacs, Victims and Vampires.
 
Sex maniacs are very reactive people. Their main focus is survival. If they feel threatened they will become very aggressive and do whatever it takes to survive. A sex maniac in a relationship will feel no guilt about having sex with other partners. A couple who engage in a swinger's relationship is a good example of sex maniacs. This is because sex maniacs do not feel jealousy or possessiveness. They live in the present. As long as their needs are met they feel no need to control others.
 
Victims see life as a place where people are controlling, aggressive and out to get them. Life seems unfair and, at times, hopeless. They are often sick or in pain, have a lot of health issues and allergies and, in extreme cases, life threatening diseases. Victims will look to others for direction because they always need someone to blame if life turns bad. They constantly attract into their lives circumstances, people and events that victimise them and confirm their insecurities. In relationships victims are often the ones who pick partners that cheat.
 
Vampires are controlling, manipulative and domineering. Vampires believe unconsciously or consciously that others need to be controlled. This need to control drives them to manipulate others for the purpose of gaining power. In relationships vampires are the leaders, the decision makers. Vampires are usually very good at covering their tracks. That is, they justify their manipulative ways with quick-thinking jargon, leaving you tongue-tied and confused or frustrated. Although their justifications may make no real sense, you find yourself doing something you didn't really want to do, you are intimidated and you do it to keep the peace.
 
Forces beyond love.
 
You could say this attraction and repulsion works like metal being attracted to a magnet or two magnets repelling each other. For example if you were a big magnet (vampire) walking around in the domain of life, you would attract into your domain all the metal (victims and sex maniacs) floating around you. Alternatively, if you were a big piece of solid metal (victim or sex maniac) living life in your own way, you would find yourself being the catalyst of a magnetic (vampire) attracting force. If an individual is expressing as a vampire (power) and controlling others then you could say they are a living magnet. The least resistant response of an individual engaged in this interaction is to respond as either a victim or a sex maniac, thus giving up their energy and, in a sense, becoming metal.
 
If there were a clash between like individuals, let’s say two vampires, then the interaction creates friction (just as two magnets would repel each other) until one of them gives up their energy and reverts to being either a victim or a sex maniac.
 
Have you ever played with magnets? If you have, you would notice that if you bring two magnets together, the like poles will repel each other, as if an invisible force is preventing them from connecting. And if you were to relax one of your hands that magnet would spin around and then they would clamp together. As you know, this is because magnets have a positive and a negative side and these attract each other.
 
The cause of conflict.
 
The same concept exists for human interaction – an invisible force is either forceful towards you or taking from you. To demonstrate this, following is a scenario that typically takes place in relationships.
 
Often, when couples first fall in love, there is a lot of giving and sharing by both partners - giving affection, love and romance; sharing fears, secrets and even everyday events. But for some couples, after a period of time, this giving and sharing stops or slows down. Now the focus of attention or energy starts to move from the partner in the relationship back to oneself.
 
What then happens is a war of energy exchange between the couple until one of the partners gives up their energy (becomes a victim) and the other stays in control (the leader or decision maker) and the relationship continues running smoothly. Alternatively, if the battle continues and both want to be the decision makers, without agreement, things continue to get nasty and being around each other is not so much fun anymore.

Forces are about give and take, follower and leader, controlled and controller. Some people like to be lead and guided through life and equally some prefer to be the leaders. And in relationships - good ones that is - there is usually one partner who is the leader and one who is the follower. These types of couples clearly have good working relationships, the energy exchange fits, there is no conflict, love is flowing and everyone is happy.

Until such time as the follower becomes tired, fed up or even bored with being the follower; being the one who has to sacrifice constantly. What happens then? The conflict of energy exchange begins and this is often when relationships go bad. Fights happen more frequently and love stops flowing, thus the energy exchange changes. Often the energy drops from love down into anger, hate or regret, and many couples go their separate ways at this point in a relationship.
 
The many faces of love.
 
Paul claims that all three types need love, just in different ways.
A sex maniac needs to feel sexual pleasure to feel loved.
A victim needs to feel worthy to feel loved.
A vampire needs to feel important to feel loved.
 
And with love comes understanding!
 
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Authors Details:
E-mail: relatingwell@relatingwell.com
Author’s URL: http://www.relatingwell.com
Paul along with his partner Elise are running ‘the perfect relationship challenge’ where they are coaching couples, needing help in there relationships, from each major city onto the road to better relationships. It is currently a free service and you can enter ‘the perfect relationship challenge’ on line at http://www.relatingwell.com
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