Why Men Sabotage Their Relationships

As a Marriage, Family Therapist, I helped many men, through a process I developed called HART (Holistic And Rapid Transformation), get in touch with the part of them that had concerns (negative thoughts) about having a relationship that unconsciously pushed away the love and companionship that they desired and deserve.

The following are 20 reasons men discovered were the culprits for their lack of success in their relationships, an example, and a positive thought to turn the negative belief into a positive one. If you recognize the negative thought is one of yours, then you can first imagine that you are deleting (erasing) it from your mind, and then say and write the positive thought. Keep repeating the affirmation (positive thought) until it becomes part of your automatic thinking.

1) Relationships mean responsibility. (He avoided relationships because he was afraid of the responsibility.)

I am in a loving relationship and I can handle the responsibility.

2) I will get hurt if I am vulnerable. (His first love left him to be with his best friend.)

I am being vulnerable and I am safe because I believe that I am okay and lovable no matter what anyone says or does.

3) I am afraid of commitment. (He felt he would be trapped in a committed relationship.)

I feel good about making a commitment to my partner.

4) Relationships do not fit my self-image. (He imagined himself as unlovable because his mother never said she loved him or hugged him.)

I imagine myself as lovable.

5) I can't be me and be in a relationship. (He believed that he had to give up his needs and wants and just be there for his lover.)

I am in a loving relationship and I am being me.

6) Women don't like me when they get to know me. (He did not like himself and projected that feeling on others.)

I like myself and women like me.

7) Women just want me for my money. (He was afraid that women would just want to be with him because he was wealthy.)

I am attracting a partner who wants to be with me because she likes and loves me.

8) Women try to control me. (His mother was controlling.)

My loving partner supports me being who I am.

9) I am not good enough. (No matter what he did to please his mother, it was never enough.)

I am good enough.

10) I am not attractive to women. (He was awkward when he was a teen-ager and the girls rejected him.)

I am attractive.

11) I hurt people I love. (His mother cried a lot and he felt responsible.)

I am kind and loving, and only responsible for my feelings and actions.

12) I can't trust women. (His mother had affairs.)

I am attracting women I can trust.

13) I feel guilty for leaving my last partner. (He felt he did not deserve a loving relationship.)

I am a good person and I deserve a loving relationship.

14) Women are mean. (His mother was verbally and physically abusive.)

I am attracting kind, loving women.

15) There is no one out there for me. (He was attracting women that were not suitable for him.)

I am attracting my perfect partner at the perfect time.

16) I am afraid that I will also have affairs. (His dad cheated on his mom.)

I trust myself to be loyal to my partner.

17) I am not worthy of a relationship. (His dad used to say that he was useless.)

I am worthy of a loving relationship.

18) I have to focus all my time and energy on my career. (He felt he couldn't be successful and be in a relationship. )

I am in a loving, committed relationship and I am successful in my career.

19) Women don't like emotional, sensitive men. (He was rejected when he was emotional.)

I am attracting women who appreciate that I am sensitive and emotional.

20) I have to be strong all the time, even when I feel scared, or I am not a man. (His father called him a sissy when he cried because he was attacked by a bully.)

I am a man even when I am scared and my partner loves and accepts me.

If you related to any of the negative thoughts, cleared them, and said the positive thought, you probably feel better about relationships and yourself. If you still are not attracting what you want, then write down the following: "I can't or won't be in a loving relationship because____ (and finish the sentence)." Then do the same process as above. You do deserve a loving, healthy relationship. Go for it!