Things you never want to hear your flight crew say after takeoff

Perhaps I should explain. This list came to me after spending one too many days dealing with airports and airplanes. Besides, I thought it would be a nice change from the usual serious travel tips and information I serve up on www.guerrillatraveler.blogspot.com.

• Don’t worry; this baby can still fly just fine with only one engine.
• $100 says this thing can too do a barrel roll.
• Let’s see if that loudmouth Delta pilot can play a little game of "chicken"
• Captain, did you just say, "Thank you for flying Jihad Airlines" ?
• No, I thought it was your turn to close the airtight door.
• Idiot! Never, never, set your coffee cup on that "Fuel Dump" button.
• Wow, what a coincidence, it’s my first day on the job, too.
• Captain, why don’t you just put this thing on auto-pilot and come join our little party?
• Does anyone know what that flashing red light thingy is?
• What do you mean, you just got us a 50% discount at our last refueling stop?
• Tower, did you just say, "eeney, meeney, miney, moe?
• Here’s your parachute, here’s yours, and yours, and here’s mine.

COPYRIGHT © 2006, Charles Brown. All rights reserved