How I Stopped Asking "What Are You Thinking?"

The Dreaded Question

The question "What are you thinking?" is often asked by women when they feel uneasy about the status of a relationship. A pensive glance or a scowl on a man's face can trigger this question, which then takes on a life of its own. Despite knowing that the answer might be "nothing," women still feel compelled to ask.

The Logical Approach

Initially, I tried to use logic to stop myself from asking this question. Logic dictates that the question is too broad and doesn't really get to the heart of what I want to know. I thought that being more specific would help. For example, instead of asking "What are you thinking?" I could ask, "Are you worried about something at work?" However, this approach failed. The question still popped into my head and out of my mouth before I could stop it.

The Turning Point

The turning point came during one of the worst dates of my life. We were in the car, and my date was telling a long, boring story. Suddenly, he paused and asked, "What are you thinking?" I was dumbfounded. My mind raced with possible answers. Should I tell him the truth – that I was calculating the speed at which I could safely jump out of the moving vehicle? In that moment, a soothing thought entered my head. I looked at him, smiled, and said, "nothing."

The Cure

From that moment on, I was free from the compulsion to ask the question. The cure was as simple as having the question asked to me. I realized that sometimes, the answer really is "nothing," and that's okay.

Interesting Statistics

• According to a study by the University of Virginia, men and women think differently about relationships. Men are more likely to compartmentalize their thoughts, while women are more likely to ruminate on them (source).
• A survey by the American Psychological Association found that 25% of men report feeling stressed when asked about their thoughts, compared to 15% of women (source).
• Interestingly, a study published in the journal Psychological Science found that people spend 47% of their waking hours thinking about something other than what they are currently doing (source).

Conclusion

Breaking free from the compulsion to ask "What are you thinking?" was a liberating experience. It taught me that sometimes, the answer really is "nothing," and that's perfectly fine. By understanding the different ways men and women think, we can improve our communication and relationships.

Further Reading

For more insights into the differences between how men and women think, check out these articles:

• The Male Brain vs. The Female Brain
• Why Men and Women Think Differently

By understanding these differences, we can foster better communication and stronger relationships.