Sex and the Single Mom: Navigating Love and Relationships

The Importance of Caution

Single moms, more than anyone, need to be exceptionally cautious about the type of man they choose as a partner. No sensible woman wants to be judged solely on her appearance or sex appeal. Moreover, who would want a man primarily interested in sex without a genuine commitment? These questions create an age-old conundrum: how does one find a man who loves them and wants the best for them? And how do you resist the natural impulses to rush into a physical relationship?

Reading Between the Lines

A wise person once said, "Words carry a little weight, but actions truly reveal the entirety of a matter." When you meet a new man, be especially observant of the things he talks about. Carefully listen to his conversation. You can usually learn a lot about a person simply by listening. If the conversation is laced with sexual innuendos, that is your "red flag."

Physical Boundaries

Be wary of physical contact early in the relationship. Someone who is overly "touchy" after knowing you for a short amount of time might have less than honorable motives. Yes, some men are naturally "touchy-feely," but think for a moment: if you marry a man who can't keep his hands to himself, you are asking for trouble!

Taking Your Time

As single moms, it's natural to enjoy the attention of men, but don’t allow loneliness or insecurity to propel you into a relationship that may bring pain later. You are far too precious for that. Take your time with the physical aspects of the relationship. Approach dating the same way you would with a platonic friend. Save the kissing or hugging until you really know the guy.

The Value of Patience

We often give away far too much too soon in our interpersonal encounters. Don't be the type of woman that every guy in the neighborhood knows what it’s like to kiss and squeeze. Even if he says he loves you, remember that love waits. Love is patient, love is kind, and real love will never disrespect you. Slow down and enjoy the progression of the new relationship. There's no fire, so hold your horses!

God's Plan for You

God has a plan, and it's not about pointless denial. His plan is first marriage and then sex after the legal, spiritual, and emotional commitment. When you create a list of rules for your kids, you do so to protect them, right? Well, God is no different. He loves you and wants to spare you unnecessary grief.

Forgiveness and Moving Forward

If, for whatever reason, you have engaged in a sexual relationship outside of marriage, understand that God still loves you. Our blunders don't make Him love us any less. He desperately wants to put the pieces of your life back together and make all things new again. Living life "our way," guided by our emotions or feelings, always brings disappointment and shame. However, God specializes in such wounds. Allow Him to cleanse your pain and remove your guilt (read 1 John 1:9). If you confess your sin, He WILL forgive it. He’s promised. The next and most crucial step is for you to forgive yourself.

The Impact on Our Children

Our children rely on us to model appropriate moral standards. Most wise moms advise their teens to abstain from sex before marriage. We carefully explain to them the dangers of sex "nowadays." We share how abstinence protects us against sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancies. Taking this into account, why should we want anything different for ourselves? Our children are growing up so fast. Our time with them is very precious. Let's not taint it by recovering from unnecessary love-related heartbreaks. Nothing is worse for children than to see their moms wounded, hurt, bitter, and dejected.

A Mother's Wisdom

My mother recently told me, relative to my health, "a good mother takes supreme care of herself for the sake of her children." I think the same applies to emotional health. Don’t run the risk of giving your body and soul away only to be left with an empty bed and broken heart. It really isn't worth it, single mom.

Interesting Statistics

• According to the U.S. Census Bureau, there were approximately 15.76 million single mothers in the United States in 2020 (source).
• A study by the Pew Research Center found that 57% of single mothers are either employed or looking for work, highlighting the dual responsibilities they often juggle (source).
• Research indicates that children of single mothers are more likely to experience economic hardship, making the choice of a partner even more critical (source).

By being cautious and patient, single moms can find fulfilling relationships that enrich their lives and the lives of their children.