Car Horns

CAR HORNS
Copyright 2004, Michael LaRocca

Let's pretend that you live in China. Perhaps not in my neighbor-
hood, but in China. Let's also pretend that, unlike me, you own
a car. A Volkswagen Santana, of course. Who do you honk the horn
at?

Well, you honk at everyone who's in your way, and who you think
is in your way, and who you are passing, and who you think is
trying to pass you. Every bicycle needs a honk in case the driver
can't see you. Every pedestrian, most definitely, because they're
not looking at anything except their feet as they float out in
front of you.

Every car does this, and the roads become a constant cacophany of
car horns. The noise is such that everybody tunes it out in order
to function, so the horns are pointless. Nobody is listening to
the horns. But honking them is a habit the Chinese driver can't
break.

Okay, now here comes a legitimate reason to honk the horn, an
emergency, perhaps some fool walking right in front of your car.
What do you do? Flick the headlights. Just how stupid is that? If
he can't hear your horn, he sure can't hear your headlights. Of
course he can't see your headlights, because he's not looking at
you. That's what caused the crisis in the first place. Plus, it's
daytime.

I offer this little tale for authors who wonder why I prefer
understatement. Superlatives are your car horns. Save them until
you actually need them.