Why is her Profile Private All of a Sudden?

Dear Becca:

I have had a couple of dates with an incredible lady who I met via an online dating site. Her profile used to be public, but suddenly it is private. Do you think she did that because she is interested in me and wants to see how things go between us? In other words, does this mean that she is she making herself unavailable to everyone else right now?

Sincerely, 'Optimistic'

Dear Optimistic:

This is an interesting letter. I think there may be two possibilities to consider.

How did your dates go? Was she actively interested in what you had to say? Did she ask you questions about your family, interests, and occupation? Did she respond to your questions with complete answers? Did she laugh at your jokes? Did she seem generally happy, smiling for no apparent reason every once in awhile, maybe accompanied by a slight blush?

After your dates, did she stay in touch with you via online chat, email, or telephone?

If your answers to most of the above questions are positive, you may be right about the profile change. However, consider the following:

Did she seem reserved and secretive during your dates, refusing to answer personal questions? Did her eyes wander to check out other guys in the vicinity?

Does her telephone get picked up by the answering machine every time you call? - assuming that she even gave you her phone number. Does she ignore your emails or chat invitations?

Did your dates with her have any truly embarrassing moments or uncomfortable lapses in conversation where neither of you could think of anything to say?

A 'yes' answer to any of these questions might be a symptom of a doomed relationship; HOWEVER, a desire for privacy does not necessarily mean that she isn't interested in you.

Well-publicized Internet stalkings, swindles, and abuse have given the net a bad reputation with many people when it comes to the online relationship scene. The actual percentage of Internet exploitation is very small - but it does exist and must be considered as a factor in every dating encounter.

Your lady friend may be doing what she feels necessary to protect herself until she feels completely comfortable with you. Bravo for her!

Awkward lapses in conversation are not in themselves a bad sign - but combined with other symptoms, they might be significant.

The bottom line is, you will not know for sure unless you talk to her and get some feedback. Men, as a rule, are less intuitive about subtle clues in behavior than most women.

Ask her where you stand, and then make a decision to forge ahead with the relationship - or redirect your attention to someone else.

All the best!

Becca

All advice given by Becca is for entertainment purposes only. Please seek professional help for serious problems.