5 Tips for Those Who Talk Too Much

There are two people in my life who have come to bug me and they both talk incessantly. When we have a conversation, I feel invisible because it is always so one-sided. Neither are good listeners and both are adamant about having the last word, no matter what the topic. What irritates me the most is that each will exaggerate to victoriously register the final point.

What I have come to realize is that they bug me because I see all the characteristics that I don’t like about myself in them. Let me explain: Silence is tough for me – I love to express myself and talking is a great release. I also pride myself in being persuasive so, of course, I want the last word – it’s my measure of success. My husband says the reason that I tell such a good story is that I am given to hyperbole.

So you see, there is really no difference between me and the two individuals who irritate me. They are my mirror and I am projecting my thoughts about myself onto them. Any advice I would like to give them, I would be wise to take myself. Here’s the 5 tips that I’d offer:

1. Build self-esteem: There is no need to embellish – we are good enough the way we are (and so are the facts of our story).
2. Relax: There is no need to fill the gaps in conversation. Let it move fluidly. Silence is charismatic and so is talking with our eyes.
3. Have confidence: If we are thinking it someone else is as well. Neither of us have to say it and the message will be delivered. It’s only our egos that want the credit.
4. Be a witness: Listen without planning what to say next, without editorializing and without judgment. We can really “feel” the conversation this way and the communication will be even richer.
5. Be unattached to outcomes: There is no need to control with talk – trust that the conversation will unfold.

The talkers in my life are there to teach me about myself and I realize there’s lots to learn. Is there anybody who bugs you?