The Gift of Jealousy

Oh, that transformative beast - jealousy. It can transform friendship into resentment. It can transform honest effort into a reason to beat yourself up. And it can really mess with your business. One of my friends, a bright and articulate woman, was the object of my jealousy. She's also an entrepreneur, and it seemed at one point that she was popping up everywhere. She worked with people I wanted to work with. She posted on Facebook in words that I've used to describe similar experiences. She got invitations to speak and write articles about those experiences.

Was she stealing something from me?

Was she taking what's rightfully mine, taking words right out of my mouth?

Was she using me?

The straight answer to all of these questions was, and is, a great big emphatic... no.

Faced with these situations, I could have chosen to tie myself into quite the knot of angry and hurt feelings. I'm only human, right? I get to be jealous once in a while, don't I?

Rattling around with the sword of justice in my hand, flailing at the unfairness of her having said in the larger world what I said to her in private.

Though momentarily satisfying, this approach left me feeling like crap. And frustrated.

Plus I could have added that bonus self-critical component of being someone who's jealous, and not just happy for my friend. Not very serene, right? Not very loving.

I don't like feeling that way. When I bump into feelings like that, I look for ways I canturn that around, instead of just pushing it down or worse, acting on it.

What's this jealousy trying to tell me? Our emotions are a wonderful compass, when we choose to see them that way. A compass to a better experience, an expanded version of you that puts love first. And that love includes you!

So what direction is the compass pointing? If I turn jealousy around from, 'she has what I want' to, 'I want what she has', it's a whole different ballgame. And emotional experience.

What did she have? She wasn't afraid to be herself and express it. She was being authentically who she is, while I held myself back because of my own visibility fears.

Huh. Okay then.

The energy then shifts from anger and frustration to clarity and inspiration.

Clarity about what I want. Inspiration to bring that to life, to have the positiveimpact that I want to have.

It also reminded me of how aligned our approaches to life and work were (and are). That's partly why we're friends. It reminded me that I'm not alone, that she and a whole community of people I'm part of are doing the work of being authentic, of doing what we are.

Jealousy really is transformative - in the way you choose. It can transform connection into anger and pushing away. Or it can transform your response into new energy andresolve.

Want more money in your business? Want to share your ideas? Want to have more impact?

You can. When you experience jealousy over what others have, use the energy of it to inspire you to greater clarity and action.

Surprisingly, once I embraced my jealousy and transformed it into a source ofinspiration, things shifted for me. I was inspired to say what I have to say, out loud and in public. I wrote what I thought and experienced. I started speaking. I began the Work Alchemy podcast. I was inspired to be authentically out there in sales conversations, so my prospective client gets a truer sense of who I am and what it would be like to work with me.

More of the clients that are a great fit come to me. More people are provoked intoawareness and action by what I write and say. More of my light shines.

I'm not saying it's easy. And it's an ongoing decision, to turn feelings around. But it's so worth the effort, for your own well-being and for what you do with your energy, your business, and your life.

What are you doing with your jealousy? Are you using it for clarity and inspiration about the impact you want to have?

Use your jealousy. Transform it to shine your light a little more brightly.