What's Your Story

When still young, an elephant is tied by a heavy chain to an immovable iron stake. No matter how hard he tries, he can't break the chain or move the stake. He can only walk in a circle around that stake. Once the elephant stops pulling at the stake and accepts that this is as far as he can go, the trainers remove the iron stake and simply keep the elephant on a rope loosely attached to a small wooden stake. Then, no matter how large and strong the elephant becomes, he continues to BELIEVE he cannot move beyond the circle even though, in reality, he could literally walk away to freedom. The only thing keeping the elephant captive is his story about what is possible.

Everyone has a story. And every unquestioned story has the potential to hold you back from what you truly want.

Stories often start, like the elephant’s, with a limiting reality. And like the elephant, your stories keep you circling in the same rut you’ve always traveled.

So, what’s your story?

It’s not always easy to figure out what your story is. After all, you believe it to be true. So I’ve compiled a list of the five most common limiting stories I hear from clients (and the ones that when broken, will free you to go after what it is you truly want):

1. “I’m so behind. There are just not enough hours in the day.” Or “I’ll never get ahead.”

2. “It’s hard.” Or “It’s hard for me.”

3. “I don’t have what it takes” (this could be money, time, resources, talent…anything you believe you lack that keeps you from going after what you want)

4. “I can’t ___.” (because I have kids, because my spouse won’t understand -- fill in your story)

5. “Why bother, no one will show up” (for my party, my new program, my event, my play, etc)

Now you may already want to argue with me that you don’t have enough time or you can’t follow your dreams because -- and if so, congratulations! You’ve found your story!

Or you may not be sure which story, if any, is yours -- so let me give you a couple of examples.

In working with a client, Mary, I quickly discoverd her story of “It’s hard for me.” Mary spent a lot of time justifying why she was disorganized at work and had trouble in some early career situations. She said she had struggled her whole life with feeling scattered, and was diagnosed with ADD late in life. So the reality was that Mary did have ADD, but there was more to it than that. She had found several coping strategies that made her ADD a non-issue in her work. Yet she continued to believe the ‘story’ that things would be hard for her, and used that as a reason to not venture beyond her current role. Once we identified and broke the story down, she happily leapt into a new opportunity and thrived.

Another client, Ellie, owns a fast growing consulting firm. Ellie’s story is “I’ll never get ahead.” She constantly rushes from task to task, frantically trying to check off To Do’s on her list, all the while feeling overwhelmed because she believes “she’ll never get ahead.” This belief causes her to work crazy hours and push herself to the point of exhaustion. But when we dug into the story, she realized she wasn’t looking at current reality. She has a team now that can and does support her. Once she pulled her head out of the story she was able to delegate tasks and put some simple systems in place to manage workload, so she could slow down, get herself healthy again, and take on some new dreams.

The important thing is that once you identify your story, you can change it. Once you have a new awareness of what is possible, you can make new decisions and take new action to change things.

So, are you ready to rewrite your story?

The next time you notice yourself repeating and reinforcing your story, take 30 seconds to do this:

1. ASK yourself: is it true? Am I absolutely certain it is true? (it may feel true because you believe it, but when you look at the facts, is it really true? Usually not!)

2. REMIND yourself: my reality is different now. I don’t need that story anymore. (it may help to think of the elephant and remind yourself you are not stuck!)

3. CHOOSE a different thought. Turn the story on its ear. If your story is “I’ll never get ahead.” Tell yourself “I’m always ahead of schedule.” (yes, this may not yet be true, but if you’re going to tell stories, why not tell yourself one that doesn’t lead to overwhelm?! ) What would have to happen to make your new thought reality? Then start taking action to make it so.

By practicing this quick method consistently over time, you’ll notice a shift in how you think and in what you are able to accomplish. Before long, you’ll have a new story –one that supports you in creating exactly what you want in your life.