Break Up and How to Cope – Avoid Easily Made Common Mistakes

Why do so many break ups end up turning nasty and how can you avoid this?

As often as not, break ups which start out as amicable end up in a mess of arguments, recriminations, slanging matches and even complete alienation where you end up just not speaking to each other.

When you have been rejected by a partner your automatic reaction is to try and find out why or alternatively you may think you already know that it is entirely the other persons fault and be unable to resist the need to make sure they know it.  However, it is rarely the case where blame can be firmly laid at only one person's door.

Regardless, when you have been hurt, you feel the need to lash out and hurt the other person too.  You may not do this consciously. In fact it might be something you do your best to avoid.  If you still love them, you will want to keep the lines of communication open.

But no matter how dignified you try to be, somehow you always get provoked into saying the wrong thing and the relationship between you just keeps getting worse.

The most likely thing you will try and do is find out what the other person is really thinking.  You will ask questions to try and understand what went wrong.  And when you don't get the answers you want, which you probably won't, you become frustrated and start the whole cycle of anger and frustration again.

At all costs, you must avoid this need to question and probe.  Not only will it not get you anywhere (the other person might not fully understand their own reasons for breaking up), but it is almost guaranteed to push them further away.

On the flip side, let's suppose that you have managed to conquer the desire to "have a go".  You figure that it's a good plan to keep reminding your ex that you are around, that you still care, that you are still a fun person to talk to.  After all what could be wrong with texting a few times a day, ringing them for little chats and finding every opportunity to bump into them.

Well for one thing, you might come across as a bit "stalkerish".  Nothing is designed to make someone run a mile as an ex who doesn't seem to be able to let go.  Alternatively, you are not giving your ex a chance to miss those things about you that made them love you in the first place.

They might be quite content that they can have you available to talk to at the drop of a hat, not have the misery of being without you and still have the benefits of being single, or worse in a new relationship.

Have some dignity and give yourself a chance to start to deal with your break up.  Chances are, if you give them some space, it will make them realise what they are missing, or at the very least wonder why it would seem that you are not missing them too much!