Do you ever feel awkward when you try to make a fast, genuine, connection with a love interest? Feel awkward no longer! Read these tips and connect like a pro!
These guidelines come from the book “How to make people like you in 90 seconds or less!” by Nicholas Boothman! This book is all about making people like you, creating authentic social connections, and building rapport. Now if you are anything like me, you have heard the word rapport thrown around LOT but may not have a clear picture of the words actual meaning. Boothman defines this word on page 27 as “harmonious or sympathetic communication”. Your new acquaintance should think “wow, I feel like I have already met this person because I feel so comfortable” or “I don’t know why, but I really like this person. He’s/she’s just like me!” It’s that sense that you have something in common and that you are comfortable.
Boothman advocates that you create this rapport in the first 90 seconds. Why so fast? Statistically, people form opinions in this short amount of time! Apparently, a good first impression really is as important as we have been told!
With that said, let’s get down to the nuts and bolts! When you read Boothman’s book’s there are innumerable take-aways that can be immediately added to your communication toolbox. Now, when you first start evaluating your communication skills, remember KFC! Kentucky Fried Chicken? No. It is Know what you want, Find out what you’re getting, and Change what you do until you get what you want. You will have to practice, practice to perfect your techniques!
One great exercise is to focus on the type of energy you are sending out when you shake someone’s hand for the first time. Is it warm and friendly? Are you distracted? Are you feeling impatient? People pick up on your attitude because it translates directly into what you say, how you say it, and your body language. Boothman always encourages you to have a useful attitude. Does this mean you should ask people what you can do to help all the time? Not at all! Instead, you should put on an attitude that forwards your objectives and encourages other people to work with you! For example, you miss your flight to NYC. An unhelpful attitude would compel you to yell at the very person who would help you solve your problem. A helpful attitude would be to kill them with kindness. This principle is easier said than done but is immeasurably useful!
The last basic tip for improving your rapport building skills is to watch your congruity. This does not mean that your shoes have to match your socks, belt, and hat. It does mean that you should try to match the meaning of your words, voice tone, and body language. If you are saying something nice, have a cheery look on your face, and say it in a cheery voice. For example, if you say to your newly engaged friend that “I am SO happy for you!!” but your eyes are not smiling and you have your arms crossed, do you think your communication was believable and effective. If you answered no then you are correct! On page 55, Boothman has a useful pie chart that shows how only 7% of communication is about the words we use. 38% is voice tone and the largest percentage is Body language at 55%.
So make your communication purposeful. With a little practice these principles will become second nature…and you will feel like a rock star!
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Being assertive in your relationships…
Do you want to be an assertive person in your relationships?
Are you using the “R” word? OH MY!
We are talking about rejection! It sucks and it happens to everybody!
