Are you using the “R” word? OH MY!

Rejection is especially fond of people navigating the dating scene. Daters put themselves out there over and over and over again. What this really means is that they decide to make themselves vulnerable to rejection over and over and over again. Where do they find the strength for this? The quest is powered by the dater’s deep seated desire to find love: the beautiful, energizing, and gleeful state of falling in love.

In my experience at “Meet Me for Lunch”, a client that rejects a date hates rejecting people almost as much as the rejected hates being cast aside. So, right now, rejection is sounding like a big, fat, negative…and it is. So why don’t we advise all our clients to just give up and hope that something happens spontaneously? Because there is a silver lining. Rejection helps you learn, helps you grow, and helps you to become more successful next time.

The following are five ways you can positively deal with rejection in dating.

1. After one of our clients go on a date, they ALWAYS want to know what the other person thought of them. If client 2 does not want to go out again with client 1, client 1 is left asking “But why not?”. One of the kindest things a rejecter can do for the rejected is to give clear, honest, tactful and, above all, specific feedback. Often times, client 1 actually did do something wrong or offensive and they will repeat that mistake until someone fesses up.  Tough love!
2. Embrace personal growth. Do not see dating as a means to immediate success and don’t expect life to be dramatic and exciting like some episode of “Sex and the City”. See dating as a process. A process that will change you for the better. Be open to meeting as many people as you can. Do not go into each dating asking “is he/she the one?”. This will scare your date and your date will inevitably disappoint you.  Go in expecting to have fun and meet a new friend.  This will set you up for success every time!
3. Embrace the fact that you are not perfect. Do not act surprised when you receive constructive criticism. Often times, people are just trying to help you…and you should be thankful.
4. In some ways, dating is like sales, you have to get through the no’s to get a yes. It can be seen as a numbers game. You only need to find ONE person, so your odds are actually pretty good!
5. Do not take dating and rejection too seriously. Laugh it off. After all, it is only somebody’s subjective opinion.  If you were rejected after a first date, the personal doesn’t even know you. Also, the unique thing about being rejected on a date is that your date does not necessarily even dislike you. They may have a million nice things to say about you…they just aren’t romantic things. That’s just how life shakes out sometimes. There’s no accounting for taste!