In the realm of dating, many experts suggest that overcoming approach anxiety and mastering your inner game begins with honing your outer game. This concept, referred to as the "Outside-In Approach" in dating coach Dan Silverman’s ebook, The Seven Steps to Inner Game Power, suggests that confidence is a byproduct of proficiency in approaching women. However, this approach may not necessarily lead to long-lasting, consistent confidence.
While the Outside-In Approach can certainly help in developing a skill set, it doesn't necessarily build long-term consistent confidence. Many dating experts admit that their approach anxiety never completely disappears, and they experience it every time they approach someone. They suggest learning to live with this anxiety. However, if these fears persist, can this really be considered true confidence? It seems that these experts are not truly addressing their inner game, but rather constructing a convincing facade to hide their insecurities.
In a previous article, Inner Game: What is it? Part 1, I used the analogy of a daredevil. If a daredevil successfully jumps over a bus 98 times, but fails on the 99th attempt, where would his confidence stand when he attempts the jump again? Despite his previous successes, a single failure can instill doubt and question his abilities.
This analogy applies to dating as well. A single bad experience, a negative attitude, or a failed relationship can significantly shake the confidence you've built, potentially undoing weeks or even months of self-improvement. This highlights the importance of developing a solid inner game, which is just as crucial as honing your dating skills. A person with a strong inner game remains confident and unaffected by failures or uncontrollable situations.
Many dating experts admit that they start from scratch every night when it comes to their approach anxiety, unless they're already accompanied by women. This is a clear example of superficial confidence, not genuine confidence.
Consider the men who have been naturally good with women from a young age, often referred to as "naturals". These individuals do not fear approaching women. When they face rejection, they do not blame themselves but rather believe that the woman is missing out. They have internalized this belief so deeply that they automatically dismiss all negative experiences and only accept positive ones as affirmations of their skill. This is the epitome of a solid inner game and true confidence.
If you're ready to start developing a healthy inner game, I highly recommend Dan Silverman’s e-book, The Seven Steps to Inner Game Power.
Yours in Revolution,
Tony V.
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