The Perils of Pregnancy as a Relationship Fix

The Dilemma of Love and Pregnancy

A viewer reaches out to Dr. Dennis with a tale of unrequited love and a controversial solution. She's fallen for a man who's not ready for commitment, and she's contemplating pregnancy as a way to win him over. This scenario is more common than one might think, and it raises significant concerns about the motivations and potential outcomes of such a decision.

Viewer's Confession: A Tangled Web of Emotions

• The Relationship: Began in November 2008, but the man sought a break in February, citing his ongoing divorce and need for self-discovery.
• The Current Situation: Despite the breakup, they continued to communicate and recently resumed sexual relations, though he remains non-committal.
• The Viewer's Dilemma: At 35, she yearns for a family and considers "accidental" pregnancy as a means to secure a future with him.

Dr. Dennis's Stern Response: The Harsh Reality

• Condemning Manipulation: Dr. Dennis labels the idea of intentional pregnancy to trap a partner as "fraudulent paternity," deeming it morally reprehensible.
• The Likely Outcome: He predicts that the man will leave if a pregnancy occurs, leaving the viewer to potentially raise a child alone.
• A Plea for Reconsideration: Dr. Dennis urges the viewer to seek a partner who reciprocates her love and to pursue a family within a mutually loving relationship.

The Statistics Behind the Strategy

While the viewer's story is personal, the issue of using pregnancy to secure a relationship is not isolated. According to a study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, some women perceive having a child as a way to deepen their relationship with a partner. However, research indicates that such strategies rarely lead to the desired outcome of a more committed partnership.

• Relationship Stability: A study by the National Longitudinal Survey of Youth found that couples who have a child before marriage are less likely to stay together compared to those who wait until after marriage.
• Emotional Well-being: Research in the Journal of Health and Social Behavior shows that unintended pregnancies can lead to increased stress and decreased mental health for both parents.

Ethical Considerations and Child Welfare

The ethics of using pregnancy as a relationship tool are deeply troubling. It involves deceit and manipulation, which can lead to a host of negative consequences:

• For the Child: Bringing a child into the world under such circumstances can result in emotional and developmental challenges due to potential parental conflict and instability.
• For the Parents: The relationship built on manipulation is likely to suffer from trust issues and resentment, harming both partners.

Seeking Healthy Relationships

Instead of resorting to pregnancy as a means to secure a relationship, individuals should focus on building healthy, honest partnerships. Here are some steps to consider:

1. Self-Reflection: Understand your own needs and desires in a relationship.
2. Communication: Have open and honest discussions with your partner about the future.
3. Counseling: Seek professional help if you're struggling to navigate relationship issues.

Conclusion: Choose Love, Not Strategy

Dr. Dennis's advice is clear: do not use pregnancy as a means to an end. It's a decision that can have lifelong implications for all involved, especially the child. Instead, strive for a relationship based on mutual love and respect, where any decisions about starting a family are made with care and consideration.

For more insights into relationship dynamics, visit BeingAMan.com and explore the resources available, including BAM! TV at BeingAMan.tv.

Copyright (c) 2009, Dr. Dennis W. Neder All rights reserved.