The Easiest Way to Initiate Conversation with a Woman

One of the greatest challenges guys face in meeting a woman they are interested in is initiating that first conversation.  I am asked often by my readers how to initiate that conversation. They find an attractive, intriguing woman they would like to get to know, but simply do not know how to begin a conversation with her.

Many guys are stuck in the rut of using pick-up lines they “picked up" from a friend or found in a magazine. The truth is that pick-up lines simply are not effective. In reality, they NEVER work.

Using a pick-up line portrays your intentions immediately, shows your lack of original style and does not draw positive attention from women. Rather, it instantly turns them away rather than attracting them.

So, now that you know why you should not use pick-up lines, you are probably wondering what the alternative is. Well, it’s easy. You use an opener!

Openers, basically, open the door to further conversation but do so inconspicuously. They are great conversation starters to spark her interest, make her more comfortable and then get to know her better as the conversation continues.

The main difference between an opener and a pick-up line is that you are initially asking her opinion on something with an opener. From that point, you will shift into a deeper conversation. By using an opener, she will not instantly categorize you with men who use corny pick-up lines and you will not look sleazy both of which will definitely not spark her interest and attraction to you.

Openers are effective for several reasons. First, women especially like to give their opinions and even more so when asked. Second, as mentioned above, openers do not display your intentions 100% which is very important in attracting a woman.

It is much more effective when a woman is not sure if you are into her or not, or what your real intentions were in approaching her. This helps build the attraction. Third, openers are a great way to show her some of your personality. You can be funny, interesting, down-to-earth and approachable all at the same time.

The key to using openers effectively centers on two things. You must ask an open-ended question and ask the opinion of a group. Remember, the goal is to get a conversation going and a "yes-no" question will not be successful. If the question can be answered in a few words, chances are that you will get little more than this.

Your question should be on a subject that is interesting and stirs up conversation. When they are interested in what you have to say, they are more likely to want to continue the conversation and move into other topics.  Here are a few guidelines to using openers:

First, keep in mind that you do not know them (yet) so they may be somewhat hesitant to an interruption in their conversation by a stranger. This is just reality. The best way to move past this is to give the group a time constraint. If they think you are only planning to stay for a short time, they will be far more willing to engage in friendly conversation and let you "join the group." Eventually, as the conversation continues, they will forget about the time constraint and just enjoy the present conversation.

Second, the openers need to be on interesting topics, slightly humorous and lighthearted. Avoid serious subjects such as political or religious topics, for instance. As much as these may stir up some intense conversation, "intense" is not exactly what you are looking for at that time!

Remember, you are trying to attract the woman you are interested in from the group and, as such, you want the conversation to be fun and enjoyable so she will want to get to know you better.

Finally, you do not want to give the impression that you are circling the room randomly asking questions. Be sure you have a reason why you are walking up to the group and asking their opinion on whatever it is you choose to open with.

One of the most practical and effective ways to handle this is to say something like, "Hey, I was talking to my friend and decided that I should get a woman’s opinion." Then, lead into your opener. This makes the entire approach appear far more natural.

Being prepared is the best way to ensure openers are effective. Sit down and prepare two or three openers that can be used in any situation. I’m sure you can come up with several of your own, but if you really get stuck you can always use the popular "G-String Opener." This has been used with quite a bit of success and goes something like the following:

"Hey, I’m getting ready to leave but I wanted to get your opinion first. My buddy and I were just talking about a friend who cheated on his girlfriend and really messed things up in his relationship. You see…his girlfriend found another woman’s G-string under his bed. When she questioned him on it, rather than confessing, he told her that he had a fetish for wearing female underwear.

His girlfriend liked the idea so much that she now makes him wear her underwear quite often. So, what should he do? Do you think he should keep up the lie hoping it fades in time or tell her the truth?"

This opener is the perfect example of a conversation started that is fun, interesting, intriguing and definitely a story that will stir up a lot of conversation and laughs. Gradually, you can transition into other conversation topics and get to know the group, and the women, better. 

So, take the time to sit down and prepare a few creative openers. Be sure to tailor each one to your personality and keep them as open-ended questions. Most importantly, stay away from the pick-up lines!