How to Make Your eBay Auction Fail

I don't know how many books there are by now that propose to tell you how to succeed on eBay, how to make lots of money on eBay, or how to become a millionaire through eBay. Here are a few of my tips on how not to make money with an eBay auction:

1. Use irrelevant titles. I have actually seen eBay auctions with titles such as "This is nice" and the infamous "L@@k". I am sure that many people are going to search for such a title! It is inconceivable that something like "Vintage garden sundial, copper, 1930s" might lead more potential buyers to your auction.

2. Use ALL CAPS, ALL THE TIME. Everyone likes the equivalent of being shouted at, and long texts in ALL CAPS are so easy to read, aren't they?

3. Show your educashion. Nothing attracts buyers like spelling errors and grammatical goofs. If you really want to impress customers, misspell the name of the item ("Dull latpop for sale").

4. Skimp on your descriptions. Why should you tell the buyer the size, age or specific condition of the item? All those details would just confuse people...

5. Forget Feedback. I am certain that eBay buyers will just flock to your auction for a $3,000 diamond ring, even though you have zero feedback. Some people may slowly build up their feedback by buying and selling before offering expensive items, but who can be bothered?

6. Harsh words sell. Of course every buyer loves terms of sale that contain such phrases as "Absolutely no returns" or "Don't bother me with complaints"!

7. Seeing is believing. Naturally, people love out-of-focus pictures of your items, particularly when photographed against the background of a dark shag carpet. Who cares about the details of that diamond ring - they are going to trust you, arent't they?