Why children lie

Since the time our son was born, my husband and I began to search for a suitable parenting literature that can guide us. Guide us to raise him to become kind, respectable, well-mannered, successful and wise. Are there any books that are capable of teaching little ones about kindness, responsibility and justice?! A book that will teach why one should keep promises. A book that will illustrate how life’s success can be achieved. A book that will explain HOW and WHY one should respect one’s parents, relatives, eldest, teachers and people around him. This topic will be examined in the following article.

First of all, let us understand the main reason why people lie. The answer is simple: to avoid being hurt, punished, scolded or insulted. While aggression, humiliation, hurt and fear exist, lies will continue to exist too. But the roots of all this begins at home. If children lie to their parents, it is for the same reasons: misunderstanding, hurt, humiliation, shouting or punishment. That's the way people are. If we are scared, we hide. Telling lie is the easies way to hide.

Unfortunately, it's quicker for us to scold the child if he has done something wrong, than to try and understand the core of this problem. If a child afraid, it will only increase his inclination to lie. The first awkward, obvious lie might even make us laugh. In actual fact, it's a huge, anxious sign to parents and teachers that the child is afraid of you and is starting to lie! Toddlers don't know what lying is. They simply don't have any desire to lie. But as children get older, their attitude towards lying changes. Here are the opinions of 7-14 year olds.

Children lie for the following reasons:

Their parents are high up and see everything from up above. They're embarrassed. They feel shy. They find it hard to say something. Their parents don't let them do things. Their parents might not realise they're lying. To stop their parents asking lots of questions. To get themselves out of some kind of situation. They know what answer their parents will give and they don't want to hear it. Children want to keep their lives secret.

It turns out that when children reach their teens, lying becomes a part of life. It helps to create an invisible wall between adults and children, which we ourselves help children to build from the first year of their lives.

How can we pervert child from telling lie?

1. First of all, try not to lie yourself.

2. Teach about honesty with aid of toys and fairytales.  A suitable story on moral education can be of a great help to you. You can tell young children the most entertaining moral stories using toys. Take the toys and act out a situation where a child tells a lie. Discuss with the kids whether the toy’s behaviour was right.

Bunny and bear stayed together and shared almost everything. One day, bunny bought some tasty chocolates, while bear was out for a walk. He hid the chocolates in the cupboard and thought: "I'll go to work now. Tonight, when I am back I will share my chocolate with bear." But when bunny returned home, he couldn't find the chocolates in the cupboard. "Bear, did you take my chocolate?" bunny asked. "No, I didn't take it - I didn't even see your chocolate," bear replied, and he went red, quietly hiding the chocolate wrappers in his pocket. Bunny didn't say anything, but he was really upset.

After the story, ask the child: 

Why do you think bunny was so upset? Who took the chocolates? What should bear do to make bunny feel better?

The story will help the child understand their behaviour more deeply then a few general words about how it is bad to lie. A story linked with the child's own life is a powerful teaching aid. When the children are older, philosophical and psychological stories can help children understand the harm that lying causes.

3.. When you're telling children off, don't humiliate them. First of all, talk about what has happened. Show the child that you're worried and upset. You can bring an 'honesty chair' into the room  an attractive, comfy chair. Suggest the child sits in it in order to become honest. If your punishment involves depriving the child of something 'cartoons, sweets, toys or computer games - show them that you're suffering too and sympathising with them. Be a good friend to your child, even when you are punishing them. If you're depriving a child of sweets but eating them yourself, or depriving him of cartoons whilst watching an interesting programme, this is a counter-punishment. The child feels the world is unjust if adults are allowed what he is not, and will protect himself from this injustice using lies.

4. Always be your child's friend, because people don't lie to their friends. This will stop a barrier of lies dividing your family into two separate parts who don't understand each other's worlds.

Reading books and workbooks on moral education and attending relevant workshops: these are the main factors that will help you to maintain trust within the family and to teach your children how important it is to have qualities such as responsibility, honesty and strength of character. Children do not respond to sermons and lectures, but they are always prepared to listen to a fairytale or an exciting story, and then discuss, in confidence, the things that are worrying them. Both parents and teachers need teaching guidelines and good wise books to assist them in their not-so-easy tasks of upbringing of the next generation - honorable, honest, kind and wise citizens of our Planet Earth.

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