10 Important Break up rules

Thinking about breaking up with somebody? Sometimes it is really hard, especially if you have a long history together. You no longer see your future with this person, but at the same time you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. So, how to handle this correctly?

There are 10 important rules that will make your breakup process easier.

#1. Let emotions go

Emotions are involved on any stage of your relationship. They could be positive or negative, but when you make serious decisions try to turn them off.

When the thought about breaking up with your partner comes to your mind it is important to think it through carefully. All couples in the world go through disagreements and even fights.

Obviously you both take some things emotionally, but don’t make a breakup decision when you are super angry or extremely saddened. You may regret it later. Therefore do you best to let your emotions go, do not make mountains out of molehills and think about possible compromise.

#2. Everyone deserves a second chance

The second tip is to give your partner a second chance. We all make mistakes and we all can say or do something bad. But it certainly doesn’t mean that we should cancel the relationship right away when this happens.

So, make sure to explain to your partner that you feel bad because of the things he/she said or did. And you don’t want this to happen ever again.

Certainly, there are some things that cannot be forgiven, but in most of the cases people break up because of really small stuff.

#3. Think through the details

So, if you are still positive that you want to stop your relationship and there is nothing that can save it, take your time and think through the details.

First of all, try to imagine your life after the breakup. Plenty of couples have some common things like they buy some things together, visit the same gym or even live in the same flat.

Here is the useful tutorial on how to break up with someone you love.

Make sure you think about this in advance.

#4. Do it in person in the right location

Although it is easier to do it via a phone message, do it in person. Note, your partner may not want to lose you. Hence, it will be hard for him / her to accept it like that.

Also, it is important to pick the right place. It should not be crowded or noizy. Silent cafe, park or a river bank should work perfectly. You don’t want to have too many witnesses, especially if your conversation turns into an emotional fight.

#5. Don’t use cliché phrases

Next important tip is not to use hackneyed phrases. They make the process even harder. Don’t say things like:

“It's not you, it's me...”

“I love you, but i'm not in love with you...”

“I need some space...”

“You deserve someone better than me...”

“The spark has gone...”

So, don’t use these classic breakup lines. They all sound like dancing around the truth without actually naming it.

#6. Be straightforward and stick to your decision

Just be honest and tell the truth. Never stretch this conversation. It is obviously not a pleasant one. You don’t want to turn it into a long monologue. Go straight to the point.

Also, keep in mind that your partner will reply and possibly will ask you for another chance. This will cause additional emotions. But if you made your decision to break up with this person stick to the initial plan.

#7. Don’t talk about the person, but about relationship

One of the most important tips is to keep it impersonal. Try to avoid phrases, like “You told me this...” or “You did that...”. Blaming causes aggression. 

Instead talk about the relationship in general. Say that you both pushed it really hard but it didn’t work out

Skip the details. I bet there are plenty of things to say, but try to control yourself and avoid talking about them. If you had some fight with your partner before he/she will remember about them immediately.

It is extremely important to show your partner that you are adamant about your decision and there is nothing that can change it.

#8. Share the news with your friends and relatives

The next step is to share this news with your close friends and relatives. It is really important. First of all you will make them aware and all the future arrangements will be organized taking this into the account. So, you will not get into an awkward situation. Second of all you may rely on the support from them.

In case you are the one that was dumped, check this useful post: What to do when you just got dumped by your girlfriend.

#9. Remember about the transition time

The transition period is pretty difficult sometimes. People that got used to having a boyfriend / girlfriend will feel lonely. One day you may even want to call your ex.

But you need to be prepared for that. Missing someone that was a huge part of your life is a normal thing. But try to remember why you broke up and that you don’t want to repeat it and go through this process all over again.

If you were married, check this post: Life after divorce for men after 40.

And if you are ready for a new relationship, “here is how to find a girlfriend” tips.

#10. Get over your ex

The last tip is to take all possible measures to get over your ex. Here are some possible things.

- Try something new. If you always wanted to try yoga, crossfit, painting or playing the guitar go ahead and do that.

- Your career. Also you can focus on your job, get some additional skills, visit some training sessions and get new projects.

- Start dating other people. It’s one of the most powerful ways to get over your ex. Just talk to other people and go get some coffee. New people will gradually start pushing your ex out of your head.

If you want to help your new girlfriend with this make sure to check the tutorial: How to help a girl to forget her ex.

And another highly recommended post for girls: How to get over your ex. 10 steps.