Detaching from Unhealthy Connections

Are you feeling obligated to anyone? Do you feel responsible for other peoples' pain or survival? Would you like to be free of emotional ties that are draining you?

Cutting emotional cords has been a major practice in my counseling office. I discovered that many of my clients' were attached to others in an unhealthy way. Once the symbolic umbilical cords were cut, they reported feeling free, relieved, and lighter. The men and women had no idea that they were corded in this fear-based, energetic way.

For example, Joseph, a fifty-year-old engineer, loved his mother and felt very sad for her situation. She had been in a very dependent marriage, and cried often when her husband passed away. The loyal son felt he had to live close to her in order to ease her pain.

However, his dear mother was very controlling, critical of his wife, and wanted more of Joseph than he could possibly give her. No matter what he did, it was never enough. Joseph felt bad, and his relationship with his mother put a strain on his marriage.

When his wife, Katy, had enough and decided to leave the area, Joseph panicked and had the courage to leave with her. She felt the only solution was to live in another state.

Their marriage improved, but there were still some relationship problems. I said to them, "Close your eyes, and imagine that your parents are in front of you. Are there any umbilical cords connecting you to them? "Both Joseph and Katy visualized large cords.

Then I suggested that they say to the image of their parents, "I am an adult now. We are two separate people here to live our unique lives. We do not need each other for survival. I am cutting the cords which are unhealthy connections." They both repeated the words and then imagined that they had a pair of scissors and cut them. The relief was instant. Katy and Joseph felt relieved, lighter, and happier. They did not realize how much the negative connection was draining them. Then I guided them to cut the fear-based cords with each other. "Only a love connection is healthy," I explained. Finally, they did the same thing with their grown children.

Umbilical cords are appropriate in the womb when the embryo needs the mother for survival. However, once a child is old enough to be on his own, the cord is obsolete. They are then symbolic of unhealthy, fear-based connections. I have even guided clients in a process to cut the umbilical cords with their deceased loved ones.

You can easily become corded to anyone if you feel a negative emotion towards him or her. That includes: pity, guilt, fear, dependency, anger, resentment, responsibility, or worry. Amazing as it may seem, then, just like in a womb, both people exchange negative energy. However, when the cords are cut (some clients needed a hatchet), neither one is taking on the others negativity.

The truth is that we are only responsible for our own thoughts, feelings, and actions. Taking on other peoples' pain does not serve anyone. However, it can be very helpful if you send loving thoughts to others. For example, think of them as capable, independent, responsible, happy, healthy, and okay.

I suggest that you always have your scissors or knife ready to cut any negative energetic cords that you may take on. When you are in a love space no one can cord you. Be forgiving, and allow people to be their unique selves and learn from their life lessons. Have compassion for the experiences they are encountering. These positive actions will serve everyone, including you.