How To Make Departures Easier

Don't sneak away: I admit it. I used to do this. In the early years, I would enter daycare with Megan, get her distracted in her breakfast or some kind of activity, and when she wasn't looking, I would make my escape unnoticed.

Although I "won" in the moment by mitigating the drama from my exit, I lost over the long haul. I know now that what I was doing was teaching her that she couldn't trust me. Don't make this same mistake!

It is tempting, but while you may escape one morning, when she realizes that she cannot trust when you will stay or when you will go--it will only be more difficult the next time.

Instead, when she cries at your departure, just calmly say, "I know you don't want me to go, but I will be right back this afternoon. Let's wave goodbye together." It may take several mornings of following this routine, but she will come to depend on your exit and your return.

Let your child have some control: Everyone feels better when they have a say, don't you think? Although you need to leave and say goodbye quickly, consider letting your toddler "choose" some things that make the separation more tolerable.

When Megan was little, I would let her choose how many hugs to give me, or whether we said, "See ya later alligator," or just "Goodbye." By letting your little one take part in the planning, you reduce his or her anxiety, which will automatically reduce yours.

Another tip: give your toddler a small job. For example, try: "Hang your coat up for Mommy," or "Tell Mommy what seat you sit at during breakfast."

Don't be late: I am never late for a meeting with my boss, nor am I ever significantly late to a client visit, so why would I think it's okay to be late for the most important people in my life? Sometimes the people we love the most are the ones we treat with the least respect.

Work can get crazy. The phone calls, the email, the meetings; the time can fly by and suddenly it is 5:00--time to pick up Parker. It is tempting to make "just one more" phone call, or answer "just one more" email. But if Parker expects me to pick him up at the end of a workday, and I don't show up until all the other parents have come and gone, it is much harder for him to deal with the morning goodbyes as I am setting him up for a long-term feeling that Mom doesn't always honor her promises.

If you struggle with being on time, consider setting your alarm fifteen minutes before you plan to leave for work as a reminder to begin wrapping things up and getting centered for the next day.

Don't come back until it is really time to come back: I have been there. You are standing outside that door and hear him crying. You want to go back in for "just one more hug." Don't do this. If you go back, you are telling your child that his tactics are working and you are rewarding him for less-than-stellar behavior.

Also remember: the day will come when you have an important meeting or phone call that keeps you from taking extra time in your departure. If you display inconsistency now, this will only confuse your little one and make his anxiety grow when you really need your routine. Resist the urge!

If it makes you feel better, go ahead and stand behind the door and surprise yourself at how quickly your child will calm down. Each child is a bit different. Of my three, Emily always cried the loudest, but also adjusted the quickest.